After a previous post on modern trends, I realized that I had not addressed the topic of swinging at any length. The swingers lifestyle is like entering another world. swinging can occur on many levels. From neighbors or ‘friends’ making an agreement to the elaborate swingers clubs. With the swingers clubs, one typically has to be ‘screened’ first. This occurs through a website portal or through connections. After being screened, the couples are told which club to go to and when to be there. Typically, it is on a Friday evening. The couple then looks forward to their night out, where they play dress up. Once at the club, there is usually a minimum number of required drink purchases. Once the requirement is met, people begin to mingle and there is often a party that starts after the dancing, meeting and talking at the club. The party is typically at an exotic locale, which adds a surreal aspect to everything. The locale may be a private residence or yacht. Some of the parties last over the weekend, to where one night turns into a full-blown outing.
The cycle continues either on a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly basis. In the cases where the couple has alternating visitation weekends, they may arrange for the kids to be out of town while the couple ‘plays’ with their friends.
The lavish settings, alcohol and drugs make it an unreal experience. The guilt is often avoided by getting deeper and deeper into the lifestyle. Once a person is in the lifestyle, you begin finding out more and more about local socialites and the secrets add excitement, but also keep one locked into a way of life that continues drawing them further and further into it. Since some of those who are in the lifestyle are in the local community, one is often reminded of the what they have done.
This lifestyle, like any addiction process can be ended. The whole lifestyle is like an extended affair on steroids. If you want to leave the lifestyle, there is hope. Pulling out of such a lifestyle requires commitment from both the husband and wife to make their marriage work. It will also require honesty concerning what has happened and how it changed each of them. They will have to learn to develop monogamous intimacy. Since the ‘herd’ mindset is hard to break, leaving the swinging lifestyle is challenging, but doable.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
