There was an old song that described how for every up there is a down, and for every high there is a low. In relationships there are also these pairings.
In relationships where there is a sex addict, there is the counter part known as the sexual co-addict. I’ve mentioned some about the sex addict in previous posts, the sexual co-addict also has significant issues that also needing mention.
Although the sex addict is obsessed and acts compulsively regarding sex, the sexual co-addict is often obsessed with the relationship itself. One is addicted to the behaviors, the other is addicted to being in the relationship. It becomes a Yin and Yang type or relating.
Although the sex addict may get the attention, they can only continue what they’re doing when you have a co-addict that goes along with it.
The co-addicts often let themselves be used and abused sexually for the sake of keeping the relationship going. They tolerate the weirdness just for the sake of attention. In other words, the co sex addict ‘puts up’ with the sex addict’s habits and go along with them. The co sex addict needs the relationship, the sex addict needs the high.
I suspect that a lot of the swinging situations that I mentioned in a previous post are likely co sex addicts that just go along to keep the relationship going.
When the time comes that you decide to get your marriage healthy, both the addict and the co-addict need help. They each need honesty about their issues, behaviors and needs.Honesty about how one set of behaviors feeds into the others.
When sexual behaviors slide into addiction, the bonding between the two spouses is often more the ‘traumatic bonding’ rather one based on intimacy. In traumatic bonding, the two people are close because they have shared some dangerous situations or situations that are dangerous for them, either physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They did things so extreme, they’re bonded by what happened. It based more on the sense of danger or adrenaline than on love and commitment. This type of bonding needs something more and more extreme in order to stay at the same level of intensity. There’s plenty of excitement, but not much love.
Such a bonding situation is unhealthy. The bonding is intense, but it’s unhealthy. The draw is that you feel needed and wanted, although only for the sake of the addict. If you’re the co-addict, you owe it to yourself and your marriage to get help and get healthy.
You’ll find that healthy bonding is more enjoyable than the traumatic bonding.
If you’re tired of the way your relationship is going, rather than put off help, get it now. The situation only gets worse the longer it continues.
Best Regards,
Jeff
