Since affairs are often surrounded by lies, understanding and dealing with them is important for you. Lies are often contagious. When the cheater is surrounded by lies, they often ‘blend’ in and think nothing of it. When the cheater is in a profession that often lies, the situation is compounded. When cheaters are in an environment where lies are common, they will think nothing of telling lies or believing the lies they are told. So when the lover lies to them, they are easy prey. They may know better, but when they live in a world of lies, they often choose to believe the lies since the truth is either ugly, inconvenient or uncomfortable. When they live in an environment filled with lies, they may think nothing of lying. Like a fish in water, they probably do not give a second thought to what surrounds them. That is what they are used to. It is second nature. Fish do not think of the water they are swimming in as being filled with the excrement of other fishes and themselves, to them it is water. Likewise a liar thinks little about the lies they are surrounded with. For them ‘lies are a part of life’.
Lies are often about avoiding the ugly, inconvenient and uncomfortable. They may sincerely not want to hurt you or others. Liars, be they Christian, Jewsish, Pagan or otherwise all share the common creed that it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. They focus on cleaning up the mess afterwards, rather than doing what is right on the front end. They also think in terms of what is good ‘at the moment’. What they tell you is often a reflection of what is good at that moment rather than good in terms of the absolute.
Being around lies all the time not only makes it easier for someone to start lying, it also changes how they look at the world. They assume that since they lie, that others are lying as well. The only difference being the size of the lie and what they are lying about. Liars often compartmentalize their lives, with a value system where it is acceptable to lie about some areas, but not others. They may even see themselves as being ‘honest’ since they are honest in selected areas of their lives. This is where you may find it frustrating. They insist they are truthful and honest in certain areas, yet you know they are lying about other areas. One way of dealing with this is that when they insist that they are honest and do not lie, ask them about what areas of their lives they are honest about. What areas do they consider it wrong. By the process of elimination and deductive reasoning, the other areas are accepting of lies. Finding out where they draw the line between honesty and lies will be key in waking them up to the facts of what is going on. It also shifts them from their ‘good intentions’ to actual actions. Once you understand the map of their mind and heart in terms of where it is ‘acceptable’ to lie and where it is not ‘acceptable’, you begin to understand how they function. Prior to this you thought you knew who they were, yet did not grasp how they function. Now you will begin understanding how they ‘really’ think and do things.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
