I have not done a scientific study of the most common fantasies or false beliefs about affairs. Instead, I am posting a list of some of the common false beliefs or distortions of beliefs that I have encountered along the way.
1. I can love two people at the same time.
2. I can compartmentalize my life. One lover will not know about the other one.
3. I can protect my spouse by not telling them about the affair.
4. I am special. I am entitled to an affair.
5. The lover doesn’t mean anything to me.
6. I can still be a good parent, even though I am having an affair.
7. With enough ‘hope’, my lover and I can overcome anything
8. God understands or God will forgive me
9. I am smarter than others, which makes me different. Since I can outsmart my spouse, having the affair is acceptable.
10. God never intended me to be with just one person for the rest of my life.
These ideas are often repeated like mantras within the mind of cheaters. By repeating them, they literately program themselves to have the affair with little remorse. Getting past this kind of programming can be challenging, especially when they get God wrapped up in their twisted thinking.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
