Having Difficult Conversations with a Narcissist

One of the expressions my father often used was “I’ve got a bone to pick with you“. It always struck me as an odd expression. He typically used it as a way of introducing some unpleasant topic he wanted to talk to me about.

Having difficult conversations is never pleasant. They are even more unpleasant when you are dealing with someone who has anger issues or those with narcissistic tendencies.

In my mind, the educated narcissists are some of the more challenging conversations. They assume you share their assumptions and conclusions.

They view you as a mirror of their thoughts and opinions. When you don’t agree with them, they view you as mentally stunted and their inferior.

These types may even say things like “I thought better of you”  or “You should know better”. What makes it different is that they say it not as a statement of disappointment, but rather as a way of putting you down.

They may use the words ‘conversation’ and ‘discussion’ in talking with you. Those words are merely window dressing. Behind the appearances is a hate filled rant designed to cut you down and make you inferior to them.

They only feel better about themselves after putting you in your place, which is subservient to theirs. They make it clear that you are  not their equal.

Narcissists want to view their opinion and reasoning as the only ‘rational’ one. They view any other viewpoint as inferior.  The way they discount your views leaves you feeling like a second or even third class human.

If your discussions with the cheater are merely disguised ways of putting you and your ideas down, then the communication in your marriage needs help. Sure, each of you may have good vocabularies, but that doesn’t mean that anyone is being listened to or that they are listening.

True, genuine communication only occurs between two equals. It’s at that point each person is valued along with what they have to say.

This is where the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” can help. It guides you in ways of improving communication and intimacy in your marriage.

Your communication can be something more than lip-service or posturing. It can instead be ways of connecting with each other and hearing each other out.

Keeping It Real,

Jeff

You Might Also Like To Read:

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Rude Awakenings!

Understanding Affairs

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