The internet world has its own language and terms. At times, I’ve been caught unawares by some of them. Learning them has been like learning another language.
One of those terms is the word ‘facepalm.’ This gesture is used when encountering “disbelief, shame or exasperation.” On learning about it, I shared my discovery with one of my sons. He’d already been aware of it.
He immediately informed me that I was to never use that term again. It was as if I discovered a ‘secret language’ I wasn’t supposed to know.
There’s been times when on reading emails I’ve had ‘facepalm’ experiences. I know those writing are desperate and hurting. In the midst of their pain, they consider actions and pose questions that without realizing it are making their situation much worse.
Consider for example the reader who wants to know how to break up her husband’s affair. On the surface, her concern is a legitimate one.
It led to a facepalm moment for me since she is focused on undoing another relationship rather than improving the one she has with her husband. Focusing on breaking them up isn’t going to bring him back.
I also know that the affair relationship is viewed as an immediate threat.
Part of me wants to remind her that she already knows how to break up relationships, yet doesn’t know that she already posses that knowledge. Her relationship is broken and now she wants to know ways of breaking other relationships. In some ways, it strikes me as spreading misery.
When you focus on the other woman and other relationship, it leads to making comparisons. When you start making those comparisons in terms of attractiveness, sexuality, etc. it gives more power to the lover.
When you focus on the lover, a part of them gets placed in your mind. They start taking up space in your brain without paying rent.
When that happens, you begin the slow transformation of turning yourself into the lover a little at a time. You may even start to dress like them and act like them as well. By that time, it’s become an obsession.
Focusing on breaking that relationship only sucks you further into the cyclical drama of the ‘affair triangle’. I address this drama triangle in the Affair Recovery Workshop along with ways of breaking free of its effects.
Instead of going in the wrong direction, order your copy today and start making beneficial change in your life and marriage.
The cyclical drama of an affair has ways of functioning like a vortex that captures everyone in its energy and force. It can come to dominate your mind and heart. At that point, you go from dramatic crisis to dramatic crisis and feel like you’re getting nowhere.
You can change the focus of your efforts. There are better ways of spending your time and effort. There are ways of bringing your spouse back home instead of you breaking up their affair.
If you want the affair to really be over, the cheater will need to end it, not you.
Now you understand why her comment led to a facepalm moment for me.
If you’re not sure about what your next move should be, it’s a sign that you need some help. When you download the Affair Recovery Workshop, you’ll know what to do and when.
Order your copy today and start the new year off in a better place.
Instead of making mistakes again and again, you can have confidence and a clear plan of action. Having that added confidence makes a difference in the outcome.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
