It is not just the discovery of recent affairs that brings you heartache and misery. The discovery that your spouse had a affair several months or several years ago also brings heart ache and misery. With old affairs, you are left wondering how much of what you believed is true, how much was a lie, and whether they will do it again. When a recent affair is discovered, you wonder about the future and experience the sensation of being blown away. With an old affair, past, present and future are all blown away. There are no more islands of safety, no places of refuge.
There is also the deep, down to the bone marrow hurt. It is not just being betrayed by your spouse, you were betrayed by your mind and your heart. You may even feel betrayed by God, wondering “How could you let this happen to me?” The devastation is ….total. You may still have it together on the exterior, but on the inside, …your gone.
So, how can you deal with this?
Start by separating out what you assume from what you know. In times like this, your assumptions often become your worst enemy. You will want to salvage as much as you can from your past. Throwing it all away is almost as bad as not throwing any away. You will need to re-program yourself, which takes time. It is unrealistic to expect it to happen quickly.
This will get you started on the road to recovery from old affairs. It will not fix it all, but it will keep you from loosing it all.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
“With an old affair, past, present and future are all blown away. There are no more islands of safety, no places of refuge.There is also the deep, down to the bone marrow hurt. It is not just being betrayed by your spouse, you were betrayed by your mind and your heart. You may even feel betrayed by God, wondering “How could you let this happen to me?†The devastation is ….total. You may still have it together on the exterior, but on the inside, …your gone.”
Thank you for putting that into words. It came close to capturing the “hole” I felt I fell in to. The pain felt like a deep deep physical wound. I couldn’t breathe.
But I will encourage those who feel “gone”…there is restoration. There is joy ahead. There is hope.
God will walk through this WITH you.
andi,
God will walk through those things with you if you let him. So many times people get caught up in revenge and paybacks to the point that they can not see straight or allow anyone to get close to them. I appreciate you giving encouragement to those who need encouragement.