As part of helping couples survive affairs, I keep up with what the trends are along with what other counselor types are doing. In watching what’s going on, I’ve learned new things, and at the same time am astounded by what some of the other people are doing and saying.
Take for example this statement made by a counselor, “When someone tells you that your husband’s affair(s) is a form of abuse, I suggest you walk swiftly away and find someone who can teach you about unconditional love and how it can so beautifully transform people and relationships.”
Although I understand where the author is coming from, I also feel that you need some clear idea of what is meant by ‘abuse’.
But let’s address a controversial statement. “Your husband’s affair is a form of abuse.” While I understand the sentiment, we need to define what abuse truly means. Let’s turn to the DSM-5, the authoritative guide for defining disorders and issues. It includes examples like berating the victim, restricting their freedom, and even threats of harm or sexual assault. This definition encompasses a wide range of behaviors, leaving no room for confusion.
I respect the author’s view that not all affairs involve abuse. However, it’s crucial to be honest about recognizing and addressing abusive behavior. Downplaying or dismissing abuse as a mere “misunderstanding” or “difference” only weakens the discussion. Unconditional love is important, yes, but we cannot ignore the harmful effects of abuse. The cheater misused the trust that was placed in them.
If you abandon your dog on the side of some lonely back road, it would clearly be seen as a form of abuse. When you intentionally misuse the trust your spouse gives toward you with an affair, it is a serious matter. You may not be leaving them tied up to a tree on some back road, but instead withholding love, affection, and fidelity which they are entitled to and you promised to them.
Unconditional love and domestic abuse should never coexist. If your marriage has elements of abuse, it won’t resolve itself without intervention. You deserve help, and my video on “Overcoming Affair Trauma” provides valuable guidance for addressing this problem head-on.
Overcoming abuse within your relationship is not impossible. It requires effort and meaningful change. It’s not a matter of simply positive thinking or good vibes. The principles outlined in the video will empower you to move beyond the abuse and create a healthier future.
Say goodbye to abuse and hello to a thriving relationship. Order the video now and take the first steps towards healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
