Some cheaters dismiss emotional affairs as ‘no big deal’ based solely on them not sleeping with their lover. They are so caught up in the affair that they don’t see what you see.
They don’t see how the emotional affair steals their heart and poisons their soul. Emotional affairs are toxic to your marriage.
When the soul and heart of your spouse is not in your marriage, it has lost its source of life. They don’t see that when they’re not forsaking all others for you that a threat exists.
With the physical affair, you can easily identify what is wrong. The cheater can also see what is wrong.
When you are faced with an emotional affair, the cheater doesn’t always see the danger. Sex is so drilled in their mind, that the assumption is made that “if I don’t have sex with them, all is fine”.
Using sex as the marker for when someone crosses the line works for physical affair, but fails when it comes to emotional affairs.
With emotional affairs, you need a different marker. Since it is about their heart and soul, finding a marker poses some challenges since the ‘heart and soul’ are not quite as tangible as sexual acts.
They are very real, yet are fuzzy to define. You know when they are damaged, yet communicating that to the cheater is not easy.
Some recommendations for use as markers are:
1. Shifts in the cheaters priorities.
2. The cheater fantasizing or thinking about others when they are with you.
3. The cheater hiding a relationship from you. This includes phone calls, texts and those they connect with on social media.
4. Changes in how your spouse talks to you. Shifts in language always indicate shifts in thinking.
5, Increased defensiveness from the cheater when you ask about other relationships.
What is clear is that when there is distance between the two of you, there’s a problem. The emotional affair puts distance between the two of you.
The emotional affair is also a serious matter. Downplaying the seriousness of it is a mistake.
If your marriage is facing an emotional affair, you’ll benefit from the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” as well. Your marriage can be strengthened and your focus readjusted.
If there’s a question as to whether or not you’re putting your spouse ahead of all others, there’s likely an emotional affair going on.
Best Regards,
Jeff
