Years ago, in a discussion with my pastor, we were discussing many of the problems that people experience. He commented “It all starts in the nursery.” In working through some recent material on where the predisposition to affairs originates, his statement echoed in my mind. I began thinking how even with affairs, “It all starts in the nursery”. You may not have ever considered it, but the thinking that predisposes people to affairs often starts when your children are young. That is when they begin learning about love, family and responsibility. They will learn about these things either from you or from the people that take care of them in the nursery.
So what does all this mean? In the short-run, it means that your attitudes and the attitudes of the cheater will impact your children. They may never even see the lover, yet they know a selfish or self-serving attitude when they encounter it. They learn whether the main goal in marriage is responsibility or to be happy. They learn how young men and women are to behave and dress. They learn about how family members are to talk with each other, including what tone of voice to use.
It is not by accident that those people who want to change the world often start with children and children’s books. They know that those early years are important in shaping values. Children’s literature is often used to shape their thinking. Although books like the Wizard of Oz, with all its references to rainbows, the yellow brick road and Oz seems innocent, in the hands of programmers all those seemingly innocent childhood stories are given new twists and meanings.
In the long run, it means that some cheaters were raised in an environment that encouraged cheating. They were trained to cheat, including how to talk, how to have the attitude they have and how to treat people. Some cheaters are opportunists. Others are ticking time bombs who will go off when triggered, having an affair, then think nothing of it. In such cases, they may have been trained to do what they do. That means that you have a problem with the cheater that goes very deep. Undoing their cheating will require healing at very deep levels. It also means that the problem is much larger than just between you and the cheater. Attacking the cheater when the issues go deep often makes the problem worse rather than better.
If you are the cheater who was ‘raised’ to be that way, there is hope. You are not a lost cause. The way to break free from the programming begins with recognizing that you have been programmed to cheat. Learning how to short-circuit the trigger words and phrases is key.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
2 Responses
Indeed the programming of our culture is that people are to be used for personal or some other agenda.
I was reading a book by Ray Comfort who is a guy who started out simply sharing with people ,..giving them the chance to compare themselves with the ten commandment to ‘see how they stack up “in the halls of God’s justice by His requirements for righteousness. . The law being the school master that leads to understanding the need for a Savior if one must be judged .
The book is entitled Hitler God and the Bible’ lots of insight into the mind of a man who believed he was somehow destined to ‘do God’s will’ ….it is a small book but explains a lot about people who get a lot of support through their charisma and claiming they are out to make a better world no matter what it takes .
In his case he got others to do his dirty work. The Devil enjoys using man who God created in His image for His glory to go under the influences of evil ….
When you look at the background of some of the most notorious people in history their childhood is very ‘telling’
The thing is that once you really get INVOLVED with the person of Jesus Christ you do not want that harmful past to damage your own future or that of any children you might have or know. But apart from Jesus Christ in a REAL relationship there are a lot of substitute placebos for fixing the world and people.
The only one I know of that starts with the heart …is Jesus Christ but the effectiveness has to be in the desire and cooperative desire of the person seeking change . Usually seeking change only happens when someone realizes just how much their own choices have messed up their OWN LIVES>
Today my husband looked so sad and miserable after having chosen once again to do what is out of order for the marriage that GOD has directed man to deal with and care for FIRST before all others. He said he was ‘sorry’ but I realized that he was seeking something from me that was not forgiveness but sort of a ‘PERMISSION” to go on and do whatever he wanted or ‘needed’ to do which was causing loss and neglect of our marriage relationship
I am seeing how I need to not try to comfort him in this attempt he is making to try to feel better about his choices …even now as he tells me to go on with my life and do whatever I want to but he won’t involve himself with any activity with me
In the past I said “Oh that ‘s OK …or ‘You need to get your relaxation ‘ as he went off to “play ‘ thinking I was happy to be alone ..which I was not …but he took my having given him permission’ as if he was right and OK neglecting his marriage and me.
People in our culture value independence and feel they have a ‘right’ to neglect their wives and children so they can do whatever they want.
This is wrong and sin. Even single people do not have ‘right’s in the ways that it is understood in our culture to do whatever they want …’as long as it does not hurt anyone’ the truth is that sin DOES hurt and harm and not just those who choose to ‘enjoy ‘ it …it will sooner or later harm them and maybe even kill them
It is interesting how many feel they want the ‘right’ to choose whatever lifestyle or activity they want without accountability but when someone else s choices smack up against their own choices then they are incensed! My mom used to say ‘It depends whose OX is being gored” !
Is it any wonder our government politicians are of the same thoughts …”What’s mine is mine AND what’s YOURS is mine too!’
WHaaaa????
My how things have changed and in such a short slide into selfish immaturity …I remember that on the playground kids believed in the golden rule but today’s rules have changed in a lot of ways that are harming all of us .
Children indeed learn what they live ..and what many live in the confines of the school and at home with parents raised without the Lord or any kind of understanding are growing up not far from the tree they fell from.
Zaza,
Ray Comfort is a fascinating man. Ray has many insights regarding family. I have not read his book on Hitler, yet back in December, I read his book on “The Beatles, God and the Bible” and learned some new things.