In listening to a motivational speaker, he made the statement “You can’t edit and create at the same time!” On hearing it, my ears tickled and I said to myself, “He’s on to something!”
The light when off in my head. I’m always on the lookout for new insights and simple ways of conveying truths.
Although he made the remark in the process of working on new material, I saw it as a truism for marriages. When you and your spouse work through recovery, there are times for editing and times for creating.
When the two of you sit down for serious talks, you can’t do both at the same time. Editing involves removing things and correcting each other.
There are times when the two of you will be confronting and talking about the desired take away’s. There are other times when the two of you will be adding to each other’s lives and creating a life together.
What I realized is that when you try doing both at the same time, it locks up communication. Attempting creating and editing simultaneously sends out contradictory messages.
When your brain encounters contradictory messages, it freezes up. When your brain freezes, communication stops.
The two of you may continue talking, but no information is being processed. This is what’s behind the “but I told you” type of misunderstandings. You told them, but their brain was frozen to the point they couldn’t take it in.
The contradictory messages also leave you wondering if the two of you are making progress or going backward. When you are wondering if the two of you are moving ahead or backwards, there’s a contradictory message somewhere in your relationship.
Contradictory messages is one of the common mistakes made in couple communication. You can learn ways of dealing with such things in the support community at Restored Lifestyle.
You can find ways of moving past the roadblocks rather than them being impediments to recovery from the affair.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
