With today being 9/11, it’s a good time for talking about anniversary reactions. Anytime significant dates come around, there are anniversary reactions. They can be birthdays, anniversaries accomplishments or when someone close died.
In my own case, the 9/11 attack was tragic and shocking enough. Things took an even more twisted path when on the first anniversary of 9/11, my wife and I were served with legal papers. Our emotions were raw enough on that day. Being served papers that you’re being sued by a parent was another huge blow.
It felt like I was kicked in the gut. I was left stunned and in disbelief of what just happened. That day started a whole series of events that rocked my world.
Being sued by a family member has a deep betrayal element. I was shocked that someone I was related to resorted to such a low blow.
I recall the line from the Star Trek movie stating “Revenge is a dish best served cold”. That day, I was served an icy attack. Being served legal papers by a family member you trusted is an extra frigid act.
For several years afterwards on that day, I experienced anniversary reactions. Thoughts came in my head and feelings in my heart that I didn’t want to consider. It’s like a an unwelcome side of me arrives for an unannounced visit.
Although my reactions faded over time, that date still stirs up deep emotions inside me. Since I know what’s going on, I prepare myself for those reactions.
Affairs trigger anniversary reactions as well. During those times, giving into the dark side of your thoughts and emotions is tempting. You can tell your mind that they’re nothing, but your body knows better.
You may even have sudden changes in your mood along with greater irritability. Telling yourself that you should be past it only makes the hurt worse. Being human is somehow associated with being a wimp.
Being surrounded by friends telling you that should be past it has a way of throwing guilt on top of all the other feelings.
Those sensations are not going to go away with a few admonitions and affirmations. You need stronger help. Booze and drugs will numb you out and push the sensations further down inside of you.
There is a better solution. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in self-soothing. The more you practice the techniques presented, the more effective your self-soothing becomes.
Anniversary reactions don’t have to spoil your day. There are reasons for you feeling that way and ways of moving past it. Your mind and heart can also unlearn things.
Breaking the power of anniversary reactions is an important part of your healing journey. Although the affair is over, those reactions take you back there emotionally.
There’s a way you can tell your mind ‘not this year’. Start taking your life and thinking back today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
