Cheaters often latch onto any excuse they can find in order to justify what they have done. They may even tell you that ‘it is natural’. In such cases, they make it sound like cheating is the natural order of things and you are the pervert for wanting monogamy. Somehow they make it sound like you are the one who is not ‘normal’ because you want and expect the cheater to remain loyal. When they become adamant about cheating being natural, and putting you on the defensive for expecting ‘monogamy’, it is a sure sign of trouble.
They may pull in examples from ancient history or some tribal customs in places you only hear of on the National Geographic channel. When the cheater gets into such a mindset, you will not be able to win any arguments or persuade them of the error of their ways. When their mind is to that point, they are not listening to logic. They have already rationalized their actions. Their mind has become a closed system. At that point, you have been locked out of their reasoning.
How to cope with this?
1. Set clear boundaries with them.
2. Recognize that you are not going to change their mind. That means letting go of the expectations that if you talk loud enough, or cuss enough or call them enough names they will listen—-they won’t
3. Remember that listening and hearing them out does not mean that you agree with them. With this in mind, listen to them. When you really listen, it often opens doors of opportunities.
These are enough pointers to get you started.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
