Anytime there’s a conference, the really good conversations are those occurring after the presentations. At the conference on trauma I attended in Las Vegas, I had one of those with Dr. Christine Courtois.
During her presentation on complex trauma, she mentioned “many victims of this type of trauma resort to cutting“. On hearing that, my ears perked up!
I had to talk to her about this in more detail since I have addressed the connection between affairs and cutting in a blog post. I saw her alone near the podium and shared my observations and insights.
On questioning her about the direct connection between trauma and cutting, she validated my suspicions about that connection. We then went further into discussing the connection between tattoos and victims of severe trauma.
She surprised me with her insights. She expressed concern about the placement and nature of the tattoos may have connection with trauma.
The ones we mentioned were when a woman tattoos derogatory terms like ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ in private areas. Such tattoo content and placement are noteworthy.
They send a message to the person about their value and worth along with sending one to those who are with them. Every time they look at themselves or in the mirror, they message reminds them of their value.
The message being sent is not a positive one. It doesn’t convey sexiness but rather identification as a sexual object.
Imagine how you’d feel if someone calls you slut or bitch repeatedly.That repeated message impacts how you view yourself along with sending a message to the world as to how it should treat you.
Although I haven’t found any connection between tattoos and affairs, there is evidence that the placement and content of them is telling you “something isn’t right”.
Rather than cut on yourself in private places or tattooing degrading messages on your body in dealing with trauma, there are other options. The video “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you in getting unstuck from the discomfort.
When your identity is wrapped up in a trauma, it’s a clear sign you need some additional help. Rather than giving up and becoming permanently helpless, take actions that change you and your situation.
Best Regards,
Jeff
5 Responses
I don’t know but everyone she had affair with had tattoos! Where I do not!
Anonymous,
Your observation is very telling. Thank you for sharing.
Jeff
It is?
Anonymous,
Yes, it is very telling. When a cheater is routinely attracted to people with tattoos, it tells you something. She may be attracted to the tattoos or even to a similar underlying attitude behind them (risk-taking/dangerous?). It would be interesting to discover if there were common themes in the tattoos (e.g. do they all have skulls, all have wild animals, etc.). I could go on further, but I believe you get the idea.
Finding patterns is always helpful in understanding what needs you are dealing with.
Jeff
Interesting thought. I really don’t know what all the two known parties had related to tattoos. There were similarities in personalities but huge differences in physical appearance. One was jr high First love. Arrogant self serving bad boy type. Tall and utilized steroids for workouts and enjoyed drugs and alcohol. Second was mid 20s arrogant self centered. But short and not in shape. Not the bad boy type. So past both having tattoos, not sure of a pattern.