A question proclaimed by parents of toddlers when they discover their child doing something they ought not to is “What did you do?” or “What are you doing?” Typically, they’re shocked by what they just encountered and are expressing it in the form of a question.
At those times, they often don’t realize the immense value of what they just did. Getting their child to stop for a moment and consider what they’re doing is extremely important.
You may have forgotten the lesson that came with that experience in your life. That same question is invaluable when it comes to dealing with the betrayer, especially when they’re in the Affair Fog.
When you ask the question “What did you do?” It cuts through the mental fog. For a moment, your words slice through denial and deceptions.
That question forces the cheater to consider what they’re doing. Even when they don’t answer you, they have to answer your question in the back of their mind. it’s as if their own mind latches onto the question and haunts them with it.
You question may not stop them or slow them down, but it will get them to start thinking.
There are some questions that cut through the noise in the cheater’s head. The problem is that the wrong questions create even more noise in the cheater’s head.
Knowing the right questions to ask makes a huge difference in confronting the affair and behaviors surrounding the affair.
It also makes a difference in how you ask your questions. You may be asking the right question, but if asked in the wrong way, you’re not going to get the results you are seeking.
Ideally, you want to use questions that cut through the Affair Fog, and mental haze without triggering a fight in the process. There are ways of doing that.
You may be giving up based on either asking the wrong questions, or asking them the wrong way. You may even be doing it in a place that is sabotaging your efforts.
Questions seem like a simple part of communication, yet my experience is that they’re often mishandled and misapplied. In my work with couples, I make it a point to show them how to use questions effectively.
You may actually be doing all the right things, yet in either a confused order or in a way that keeps the two of you apart rather than bringing the two of you together.
In the video, “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” I share the principles and tools that have helped other couples in using questions to heal rather than harm their marriage.
Rather than letting what comes out of your mouth damage your marriage, you can use it instead to bring healing.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
