Although the top concern expressed by couples about affairs is ‘trust’, my own findings indicate it should be something else. There is an early warning signal indicating trouble that happens long before trust issues occur.
This one issue happens prior to affairs and prior to affair relapse.
In counseling circles, this early warning sign is called a ‘signifier’. In gambling circles, it is called a ‘tell’.
Much like tells revealing when someone has a good hand, this signifier alerts you to trouble ahead. The problem is most of you have grown so accustomed to it, you don’t notice it when you see it.
This tell is ‘ingratitude’. When someone exhibits ‘ungratefulness’, it signals there’s trouble ahead.
When ingratitude isn’t dealt with, it continues growing and festering. The ingratitude begins robbing you of joy, contentment and enjoyment.
It sours each interaction you have with each other. When enough ingratitude builds up, something breaks, which is typically when the affair happens, or happens again.
Like a flashing yellow warning light, seeing ‘ingratitude’ alerts you of impending danger. When you see it all the time, you become calloused to it. At that point, you tune it out as routine or normal.
Here in the Texas hill country, there are yellow warning signs proclaiming “Turn Around, Don’t Drown“. Since you see them frequently, they’re easy to ignore or dismiss, until heavy rains bring flash flooding. At that moment, you realize those warning signs are important.
Likewise, the emotional warning signs are important too. It’s only when someone acts on their ingratitude that it becomes a ‘trust’ issue. Ingratitude warns you. You ignore it at your own demise.
Question is…now that you know about ‘ingratitude’, what are you going to do about it?
I know what I did about it. Many of the lessons I’ve learned that help prevent the problem are included in the “Dealing with Affair Relapse” video.
When you take care of the problem at the first warning sign, it prevents having to clean up the mess it eventually creates. In the video, I provide you with other warning signs and triggers that result in affairs.
Click the link and download the video now. The signs of relapse are also the danger signs alerting you to the risk of an affair.
In these days of COVID-19, the news is filled with reports of early warning signs alerting you to possible dangers. In a similar manner, taking action when you see the early warning signs can save your marriage.
Rather than guesses, estimates along with trial and error approaches, you can know the warning signs to look for. Knowing those signs can save your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
