There are some relationships in my life that impact my self-confidence in a negative way. It’s as if it suddenly drains from me when I’m around them. In a matter of moments, it disappears.
Prior to being around them, I felt good about things and within a few minutes of even being near them, it leaves me. The sudden change left me wondering what’s behind this change in confidence.
On looking deeper into this change, I uncovered some uncomfortable truths. What I found was that confidence is not about pride or competence, it’s instead about trust.
On first uncovering that truth, I didn’t want to believe it, yet on closer examination of each of those relationships that took away confidence, there were some trust issues going on there as well. Confidence is about trust rather than skill, talent, or ability.
I then saw its application to infidelity and swinging. It helped me see this quality in a new light.
Take for instance a reader who used the phrase, “…after swinging my self-confidence is gone.” When you understand that self-confidence is about trust more than courage or ability, the statement conveys a solid truth.
With both affairs and swinging, trust is damaged by what happens. You may not want to see the connection between trust and confidence, but it’s there.
It’s important to get an understanding of this concept of trust within confidence. It’s also valuable to understand that the two are closely tied together. Trust is not limited to your sexual partner or spouse, but it does include them.
What you think is confidence or boldness on the part of the cheater, it more about them being brazen or calloused than it is about being confident. If it was ‘true’ confidence, then they would be trustworthy and dependable.
The cheater may act bold, but what’s behind it isn’t confidence. So if there’s a part of you that thinks they are ‘confident’, you’re fooling yourself and they are fooling themselves.
If you want your confidence back, the answer lies in rebuilding trust. This includes making yourself trustworthy and repairing the trust between you and your spouse. They also have to show themselves trustworthy if they want real confidence.
A good place to start that rebuilding is with the video “How Can I Trust You Again?” In it, I share with you what trust it, what the formula for trust is, and what’s needed in rebuilding trust.
Order your copy today and start on the pathway of regaining the confidence you once had.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
