When growing up, I often watched my grandfather work on cars. I was amazed at how he knew ways of making cars run better along with fixing the problems they had.
At that time, my mind understood the basics of how engines worked and repairing parts of cars. As cars grew increasingly complicated, fixing them is no longer the simple task it once was.
Now a mechanic needs not only a manual, but a computer in diagnosing diagnose the problem before repairing it. This is a far cry from when a good mechanic could diagnose problems with a small screwdriver, his own ears and eyes.
So when I tell my mechanic to ‘fix my car’, it’s no longer the simple matter it once was. In order to fix it now, it takes diagnostics and trouble-shooting just to obtain a preliminary idea of what the problem is that needs fixing.
Fortunately, my mechanic is stellar. I tell him the symptoms along with what I want and within a short period of time, the problem is diagnosed and the solution completed within a few hours.
In a similar way, when couples come to me with “How do I fix my marriage after infidelity?” they don’t understand why I don’t have a simple answer for them. Something definitely needs fixing about their relationship, although what needs fixing is not so easily identified.
Like my mechanic, I have to do trouble shooting into what’s not working about their marriage relationship. Infidelity is a common problem with some not so common causes or solutions.
You have to consider what it is about your marriage that’s not working. Is it how the two of you solve conflicts, how you talk to each other or how you avoid each other.
It could also be whether or not each of you are being honest about the infidelity. The infidelity is a cry for help. Someone could be hiding a secret addiction or running from childhood traumas via the affair.
There’s also the matter of understanding how your marriage worked before the infidelity.
Although I want to see your marriage work, it’s essential that you want to see it work as well. That often means a willingness to make changes along with a willingness to discover the areas needing fixing.
Not everyone who says they want their marriage fixed are willing to do what it takes. They often want things fixed as long as they can stay in their comfort zone. Some just want to complain.
Fixing your marriage in a meaningful way will stretch you outside of your comfort zone. If you want it fixed, it requires effort.
If you’re not sure where to start or what’s next, I have had some times become available in my schedule. I have consultation packages available. When you purchase a package, you receive a month’s worth of weekly phone calls and unlimited in emails designed to get the healing started.
You know your marriage better than anyone else. I want to see it work for you. If you want to get started on fixing it, contact me about times and availability of consultation packages at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com
It could be all that you need is knowing some new way of making change happen and where to intervene.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
