You’ve likely heard someone remark “He’s a monster!” When I hear the remark, I don’t immediately imagine sharp pointed teeth, claws or them breathing fire, even though some monsters do. Typically, when you hear references to someone being a monster, the person saying that someone is ‘out of control’ in some way.
Most of the time, the monster is driven by an unrestrained passion. Their passions have taken over and grown to freakish proportions. Come to think of it, when any passion is unrestrained and allowed uncontrolled growth, it becomes monstrous.
You see this with obsessions that turn monstrous, sex drives that turn beastly, or uncontrolled impulses to steal. Any drive turns destructive and freakish when it knows no limits. When you remove limitations and boundaries established by love, self-discipline, or wisdom it turns ugly.
The unrestrained drives start controlling those afflicted with them. You know you’re dealing with a monster when you hear “It just took over!”
This ‘monster principle’ applies to affairs. The cheater wishes a brief indulgence in some passion or desire. What starts off as a brief indulgence grows quick and the cheater loses control.
The affair becomes a monster right in front of them. What started as “wanting a little something on the side” transforms into a hideous monster demanding time, attention and MORE MONEY.
Another aspect of the monster principle is that “You never have the control you think you have”. The cheater believes they can control the size and power of the monster they’ve created. The assumption is made that by setting limits the affair will stay within those boundaries.
The affair monster has ways of making the cheater back down on any limits they set. All those things they said they’d never do, they find themselves doing.
They draw lines, then erase them and redraw them in a different place. The affair takes the cheater farther than they intended to go. Farther in terms of sexual limits, farther in terms of lying and deceit and farther in terms of money, time and sacrifices for the affair.
The cheater assumes they are in control by being able to ‘draw lines’ as needed. They may even brag to you “I’ve got it under control”. They forget how many lines they’ve already erased in appeasing the Affair Monster’s growth.
Unless you’ve been taken for a ride on the infidelity merry-go-round, you probably didn’t ask the cheater about how many compromises they made and broke along the way. You may not want to know or can handle hearing about how they came and went.
The cheater may have had good intentions, yet their ‘bad intentions’ won out. Whatever they intended to do, they didn’t do in order to appease the Affair Monster.
You may think my calling an affair a monster taking it too far. Think about it.
In ancient cultures, people were sacrificed in appeasing the monsters. How much has your spouse sacrificed in appeasing this monster? Have they given up relationships with family so that they can indulge in their affair? How much have you sacrificed?
If you’re tired of how much of your life has been sacrificed to the Affair Monster, there’s hope. The Affair Recovery Workshop guides you through what you need to clear away the obstacles keeping your marriage from thriving. You’ll also start moving past the affair and the bad patterns it brought into your life.
Click and download the workshop and start regaining control of your life and stopping the passion monster that comes with the affair.
You can regain the peace of mind you once had rather than living in fear of the monster.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
