Do you like getting naked in front of strangers? Unless you are a porn star, exhibitionist or swinger, it’s not something you enjoy doing. Another exception from the discomfort of being naked are healthcare workers getting people naked, but that’s another story.
Getting naked in front of someone requires a special situation. It requires a level of trust and safety. It’s hard getting naked in front of someone who is angry at you or makes fun of you. It’s hard getting naked in front of someone who you suspect might hurt you or see your naked body as an opportunity for sexual gratification.
Intimidation is one of those things that makes getting naked uncomfortable. This is one reason it’s used in the military and incarceration situations. Intimidation is a form of control. Making you get naked gives them control and sends the message to you that you’re not in control.
The reason for this is that nudity requires us to be vulnerable. We are forced to accept our own vulnerability and the vulnerability of other people. When someone takes away your clothing, they take away one of the barriers between you and them, thus making it easier to see into the depths of another person’s heart and weaken their defenses. You are there with all your flaws visible for the world to see.
This brings me to the point I want to make in today’s post. The lover and cheater know that you need to feel comfortable in order to get naked. In going about daily life, it’s easy taking your spouse for granted. You get so used to being familiar with them, you forget about the importance of feeling safe with each other.
You grow so familiar with each other, that you forget about feeling safe. You just assume that the feeling is there. Each of you may have taken liberties that removed safety without realizing it.
When you don’t feel safe with each other, including emotional safety, you’re not going to want to be naked with each other. It’s important to feel safe before you remove every stitch of clothing.
Removing all your clothes leaves you vulnerable. There’s nothing else to hide behind. It removes all barriers. This is one reason interrogators and brain washers often exploit this vulnerability.
In order to put your spouse at ease, you want to remember the importance of feeling safe. You need to feel safe in order to get naked both physically and emotionally.
The lover knows how powerful safety is. You can learn a lesson from them. When your spouse feels safe, they will remove what they’ve been hiding behind. You may have forgotten how powerful it is for the two of you to feel safe with each other.
The bottom line is that getting naked requires feeling safe. When you feel safe, you can be vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable with each other, it will bring you closer together. It’s important to remember the feeling of safety in order to get naked with your spouse again.
This is why I address what it takes to create “an atmosphere of safety” in your marriage. In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” I give you ways of creating that atmosphere along with ways of using it in improving your marriage in the aftermath of an affair.
It sounds simple, yet if you make your spouse vulnerable or naked and exploit it, they may have trouble trusting you for years to come. Knowing how to use safety in the right way makes a big difference. It’s a powerful tool that is misused more often than used effectively.
You can learn a lesson or two from the lover about relationships that can help you improve your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
