Although Oedipus made the fateful declaration of “I married my mother!”, many couples discover after being married a few years that they also have married someone like their parents. Making such choices carries with it heavy emotional baggage, especially when there have been affairs in the family history. In such situations it is easy to blame the spouse for issues, although the real unresolved issues lie within you. When childhood issues are not resolved, the dynamics are often recreated later in life. It is as if you recreate your family of origin all over again in a new location. You built your new family with the old family building blocks. With the reconstruction, there is a also a carry over of the issues from the family of origin. It is not by accident that the Bible speaks negatively of ‘familiar’ spirits, these same attitudes creep into new families when not addressed. If your family has a history of infidelity, you will want to take steps to not recreate similar situations in your present relationships.
Here are some steps that will help:
1. Be honest with yourself and yourself.
2. Rather than ignore emotional needs, do something about them.
3. Take steps to sever the emotional bonds that have unhealthy connections.
4. See your spouse as they are. Do not make comparisons of them with others. Accept them for who they are.
5. Accept yourself for who you are.
Being that the holiday season is upon us, there are windows of opportunities for healing that are not there the rest of the year. You have a chance to start the new year on a firmer footing.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
