I often hear the question, “Why doesn’t she leave him?” or “Why does he put up with her?”. These are questions often asked regarding affairs. The questions arise when outsiders do not understand the bonding that has taken place. When couples have been together for a while, there is bonding. The bonding occurs on many levels. When there is ‘traumatic bonding’ the bonding is very strong, although often due to emotional trauma endured to create the bond.
When a couple with a traumatic bond experience an affair, strange things happen. Although the bonded spouse sees and ackowledges signs of the infidelity, the bonding that has occurred will prevent them from leaving the relationship. It is one thing if the spouse is committed to the relationship, it is another if they are an emotional slave who is staying in the relationship due to the emotional bondage that has been programmed into them. When there is emotional bondage, whatever threatening information is presented to them is often denied or distorted in order to remove the threatening aspect of it.
If you are one of those staying due to traumatic bonds, you have bigger problems than just the affair. These issues will need to be dealt with if the relationship and your own mental health is to be restored.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
