Ending the affair is often a source of conflict. For the resolute spouse it is only a matter of saying “Goodbye, It’s Over!”. For the adulterous spouse, it is not that quick and easy. Letting go of the relationship also involves letting go of the dreams, hopes and optimism that it generated. They often find saying goodbye to those things more difficult than saying goodbye to their lover. Letting go of those things is akin to letting go of oneself, or parts of oneself. It feels like you are loosing part of you.
It is important for the resolute spouse to recognize and realize this. You want to remove the lover, but keep your spouse’s heart intact. Separating the lover from the dreams, hopes and optimism is not easily accomplished. The adulterous spouse is often unable to put into words what they are are struggling with, so they are not able to tell the resolute spouse what they are struggling with. Knowing what they are struggling with will enable you to provide the support your spouse needs, without killing their spirit.
If your spouse has difficulty communicating, you may need to work with them thorough this time.
It is important for the spouse to accept responsibility for their actions. Yes you can break them up, but it will not have the impact that is often needed. You spouse needs to end the relationship. They need to verbalize this in a clear, unambiguous manner. They need to say it out loud. It needs to be loud enough for them to hear it. They need to hear it themselves as well as the lover. “It is over! Goodbye!”
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
