The cheater may attempt excusing their actions by telling you that “Cheating is normal”. They may even go into a long description of how they are ‘normal’ and it is normal to stray. If they have done their homework, they may even tell you statistics about how many people cheat. Using such statistics is a ploy which started being used on a large scale with the Kinsey report. After the report came out, the results were used to show that all kinds of sexual aberrations were actually ‘normal’ behaviors. The results of the study were presented as the new standard for what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.
College students are often presented with this material. What is not told to them is that the results are often used as a manipulation to break down morals and justify indulging in their sexual behaviors. Your spouse may be presenting the results to you for the same purpose. The cheater wants you to evaluate their behavior based on a redefined right and wrong measure rather than your Biblical standards. It is a sneaky way to change the measure of their behavior from one that is absolute to one that is always changing with the latest sexual behavior in vogue.
The cheater may also claim that in studies done by ‘smart people’ in other cultures, cheating is accepted, and other blah, blah, blah. When that strategy is used, they are substituting apples for oranges and hoping you change your evaluation based on what some primitive culture does. (There could be a reason why the primitive culture is still a primitive culture).
I will grant that the temptation to cheat is ‘normal’. Despite being tempted, you do not have to give into it. You will also have to decide what is going to be considered normal or acceptable for your family. Even though the Jones’, a large portion of Cleveland, a movie star or some primitive culture accepts infidelity as ‘normal’, it does not mean that you do. Hopefully your family is not like those other families. Hopefully, you and your spouse will determine what is ‘normal’ rather than some researcher who may have all kinds of hidden agendas and be tweaking their results to give the desired results they wanted (yes, there are some researchers who CHEAT with their data). If they cheat with their data, when it comes time to look at their data, how do you think cheating will be seen?
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
5 Responses
That is true…Kinsey and some of the others of that time were introducing their ‘research’ as normative …it has been found that Kinsey did his “research ‘ in prisons among pedophiles and various others of what is consider more deviant sector of society ..Being presented as ‘scientific’ most of the casually informed public began to measure their own marital sex lives as “less than’ and the successive decline in faithfulness began to appear as people ‘expanded’ their experiences to try to come ‘up’ to those ‘standards ‘
God ‘s Word is the best ‘normative’ to measure our thoughts and behaviors ….I have notices that there seem to be specific ‘outcomes’ for specific sinful activities …the ‘fruit’ of sexual sin being particularly severe even after repentance because it is involving the BODY …
For example …even a person who has been repentant MAY have been exposed to an STD which may lie dormant or not be discovered without a specific test to look for such a thing….thus they suffer consequences after the fact .
God know the consequences of various kind of behaviors and thus has designed the protective arena for them to be enjoyed …
Avoiding what GOD identifies as sin or behaviors outside of the designed relationship they are meant for thus can protect those who might engage in them AND the innocent party such as the faithful spouse.
On countless sites I have seen where the faithful spouse has contracted an STD …so sad.
So the consequences of sin may take a while to come forth …but in addition to the various ways it breaks down the integrity of character , steals time , energy and growth of healthy relationships in the home and family …infidelity can be truly dangerous.
The person blinded by lust at the time can even be aware of such a thing and STILL go forward as they may see their adulterous partner as ‘clean’ of any diseases that even that person may not be aware of if they have not had tests for it.
Most of those who engage in adultery MAY have tests done regularly but not all STD s are tested for unless asked for .and not all people are educated in some of the ones that are out there …may lay “dormant’ and are still infectious and highly contagious!
The lack of concern for hurting the spouse emotionally is only ONE of the dangers of engaging with someone else sexually …even KISSING has some form of STDS that are passed along.
How sad …a LOT of what is encouraged and sold to the public is appealing to their flesh and appetites and there is very little if any evidence of what the various dangerous outcomes are.
Even with the advent of some vaccines for such things …there is still too much at risk for those who engage in adultery and to there families health !
Zaza,
You are one of the few that know about the population that Kinsey used for his study. Most of the public do not. The uninformed continue comparing their behavior to the mythical norm, thinking it is a true cross-section of the public, when it is not. They think that what they are doing is what ‘normal’ people do, without knowing what group Kinsey used for his study. The Kinsey study results have been used in ruining the morals of many young people, which is tragic.
Although many modern thinkers do not like “cause and effect” thinking, that is one of the realities of the world that God created. We have to live with “cause and effect”. One cannot engage in infidelity without escaping the effects. They can rationalize it, but it does not remove the effects, including such consequences as STD’s.
Sowing and Reaping is not just about WHAT we “sow’ but WHERE we sow and we DO reap ..
Sowing the daily bread …and living by it is useful to all categories of life
Being a homeschool dad I am thinking you found what I have …that the Lord used our concern for raising our children with the best possibilities not only in THIS lifespan but on through eternity gave us an additional desire to seek out truth .
I found that in many aspects this ‘need to know” brought about by various ‘transition times’ in my life stimulated further and more urgent study in the Word of whatever situation was ahead or what we were finding ourselves IN .
I also look back and see how most of the time the LORD was trying to get me to prepare before hand for whatever was ahead. This kind of leading by appetite for what to study has proved over time to be very important.
Prudence is often one of those attributes lacking in those who are not involved with allowing the Lord to BE lord of their thoughts and preparing their minds with what will be their own equipping …aka the whole armor of GOD.
Those deceived into entering into adultery have HAD their minds ‘prepared ‘ most often by the ongoing input of the world’s influences …in all relational categories…Parents and family of origin, school friends, newspapers and magazines…music, movies , tv
ALL of these are ‘companions ‘ of a type …and God has warned us that we are to be proactively vigilant as to recognizing the influence and effects of whom we spend a lot of time and energy with.
The idea that we gain as we gather closely with those who are not ‘being transformed by the renewing of the mind ‘ is one truth we need to think more deeply about and to consider the exhortation of the Word wherein God tells us ‘evil communications corrupt good morals’
One person once put it this way …we seldom go out and ‘catch health’ …colds are easily ‘received’ if we are not fortified with a healthy immune system
Spiritually we need that fortification of the truth daily and to be wise in how we spend time and with whom
The corruption of my husband’s faith has a distinct time of when he began to step away and then decline as the friendships, associates of his daily time spent and choice …took his heart away from the Lord and then me and concern for a godly life that would have allowed him to SEE all the destructive things no one could at the time .
The sorry following a lifetime of selfish choices is a very sad thing to see. Our family is healing very slowly ….ONe persons faith may affect others but in the long run it takes the desire of those who are turned away to realize their own need for repentance.
I used to ‘get on ‘ myself for not seeing the dynamic of the effect of my own faith upon others …I had to realize even as we are called to walk and obey the LORD …EVEN JESUS CHRIST who walked perfectly in obedience to the truth did not find ALL people following after Him
It takes most of what is listed in Matthew 5 …recognizing our need ” poor in spirit’ , hungering and thirsting after righteousness…’desire to learn and to submit ‘ to truth ..believing GOD IS …and that HE is a rewarder of all that are persistent in their searching out the truth .
My husband is a great guy from all appearances . His kindness and desire to help people . His positive attitude….he FITS so well in the humanist dichotomy …I love him and because of his many great qualities I trusted him enough to believe his faith was genuine.
I also saw how women responded to him . Once he was in a place of elevated management he took to that station easily . Helping , counseling , striving to improve the office morale with creative entertainments and such ..He is charming , charismatic…handsome, …every woman who worked for him loved him
I tried to engage him and so did others from fellowship to inform him about the way his ‘attention’ was effecting those women …and my heart …but he scoffed at this
It seems like when he went through Corporate training for management there was a distinct attitude change ..this was all back in the early 80’s
There has been a lot said about the useage of various programing techniques in business training ..I suspect it was instrumental and found a fertile place in my husband’s thinking as he left off being willing to be taught the Word by anyone ..and did not continue study …His mind was ‘unprotected’
He was open and eager to learn all that the world had to offer without the various ways the Word of GOD provides prudence and wisdom .,
Over the years as I was learning I shared with him what we were learning ..it was somewhat OBLIQUE since his pride would reject anything brought directly TO him
Still he often would fall asleep ..he believes that he loved his children but as I view it …he did not involve himself in their upbringing . He was always careful to attend something that was important …but for the rest of the time he was at work , at play or .,..as I now realize ..with his OW …and eventually the children they had .
This is a bitter pill and lesson for us all …He followed the progressive path downward …he walked in the WAY of sinners..then he SAT in the seat of the scornful and then he REMAINED in the company of those who were not just neutral in their attitudes about the way marriage and family were supposed to be most beneficial and safe for all …but he became a creator of the opposition .
The woman he had those two children with is a self proclaimed feminist , communist and atheist …She did not want marriage …she wanted to obligate a man who was ‘capable’ to be so guilty and responsible that she would not have to work and she did not have to do anything for at least the length of the child support years.
I was reading a post on another forum where they had copied and pasted a horrific documentation of the hard core feminist movement …the first, second and third wave….manifesto …It was disgusting and if more people were aware of this …including the women who think it is just a matter of ‘rights” there would be more opposition .
I guess that without the light of God ‘s word in our understanding we just remain in the dark as God told us would be the case.
The only way to continue is to be faithful to the Lord and what he has told us to do toward HIM
To BE to the praise of HIS glory by way of HIS word LIVING IN us as we KEEP it in us.
Thankful for your sharing here …You have a noble function in the society for the sake of the truth and marriage health
I am touched by many of your comments. As a homeschool father, I have realized many of those items mentioned.
I had not thought through the business training techniques. I know that many ‘hypnotic’ techniques have been re-packaged and used for business applications. Those techniques can change a persons way of thinking in a major way. One that I find particularly dangerous is the ‘Delphi’ technique. I deal with that in my hub on the topic http://jdmurrah.hubpages.com/hub/How-business-psychology-works-us-over .
Thanks again for sharing so much.
Yes …there are some others too …I have been led to read all kinds of materials as I sort through the “WHY ” of how our society has slid into such debauchery ….ugh.
The Lord warned us about the company we keep ‘corrupting good morals’ and that goes for not just people but all that we closely associate with …sooner or later it effects us UNLESS we love GOD enough to care about finding out what pleases Him …and it seems when a person is concerned about pleasing GOD they will pursue knowledge and His ‘take’ on all things.
It is not that hard but people’s focus has been fragmented . Part of that is from NOT being exposed to sound biblical truth even from pulpets that are securing their ‘spot’ in the lives and hearts of people and the outcome being a steady job.
Sorry but too many are choosing to make religion their vocation and career choice and are trained and credentialed by MAN instead of being led through a lifetime of learning by way of allowing God and His WOrd to set the pace and the foundation.
We don’t realize this coming into this world …yet some are more drawn to finding the truth with and urgency as they come up against various challenges to their inner witness that cries out for righteousness and simply DOING what is right.
Todays population has been lazy in this ….and those who f’eed the ‘monster’ of our fleshly inclination to seek the easiest way or pleasure …are finding little resistance among the ‘many ‘
We are prone to be passive even as Adam seems to have been as the serpent had little resistance when having his conversation with Eve …be whatever ‘serpent’ is …SHe was not opposed nor refused too vigorously if Genesis is correct .Adam just went on down the road
Todays world we are all to be vigilant when it comes to choosing to stand upon truth
Jesus was correct it does mean some rejection and painful situations …guess that is one of the tests …who do we love enough to obey …our flesh and that of othres or God .
I choose to continue …made it thus far …stumbling and bumbling alond …eternity is worthy of it …and so is the Lord
One of the recent seminars that has taken up some christian affections is the ‘ALPHA ‘ one,
Others but I cannot recall right now .
Thanks for your continued working through this …