The other day, I was reminded of how affairs begin. I like the way Virgil explains it to Dante in his tour of hell. Virgil tells him that adultery starts with “Sweet thoughts and desires”.
In Dante’s world, adulterous lovers were doomed to hell. There they spend eternity in the midst of a never-ending storm. It’s clear that Dante understood the consequences of affairs and what they bring.
You rarely see the emotional hell that will be unleashed by the affair. You don’t see the storm clouds of warning on the horizon or hear the warning of approaching thunder. You don’t see or feel the hurt of betrayal that will follow.
In contrast, affairs are often shrouded in a seductive fog of secrecy and deception. You don’t think about the pain you’ll cause your spouse or children when it’s all over. You believe you can get away with it, but the truth is that there’s no escape from the consequences of bad choices.
Instead, cheaters view the world through rose colored glasses. They see rainbows, flowers and singing birds like something out of a Disney movie, instead of the real-life Wes Craven horror flick they are entering.
Even in Disney, the seemingly innocent often had a twisted side, such as the sweet little Tinkerbell trying to kill off her rival Wendy. Although her effort was thwarted, it gets laughed off and not taken seriously. After that episode, you know ‘Tink’ doesn’t like Wendy, but as the viewer, you don’t see her as having murder in her heart. You get caught up in the sweet thoughts surrounding Wendy and Peter, forgetting the betrayals going on.
The ironic truth is that in real life the same Disney that produced childhood movies also produces ‘Desperate Housewives’. Perhaps they saw where those “Sweet Thoughts and Desires” finally lead to.
Those sweet thoughts and desires always have consequences. Chances are the affair will grow out of control. Although 10% of affairs are one-night stands and another 10% end in a month, the odds are not in your favor.
80% of the time, the affair is going to get bigger and last longer. Even that one-night stand was ‘not innocent’ or filled with sweet thoughts. When there’s been an affair, there’s damage done to your marriage. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Your marriage needs help. Don’t get caught up in ‘sweet thoughts’ thinking it’ll fix itself with enough love and time. It needs more than love and time. The video “How Can I Trust You Again?” guides you in providing a solid foundation for your damaged marriage.
You can trust each other again, with the right foundation.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
