Coddling parents are often self-righteous, claiming that they are only loving their child. If you dare to question them, they often resort to their self-righteous stance and use it to dismiss any point that you may have made. They are unable to hear the truth and with many of them, you are wasting your time trying to persuade them from what they are doing. The poet, William Blake once wrote that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Such parents are full and overflowing with good intentions. They have enough good intentions to pave a modern interstate highway interchange.
Coddling parents often celebrate the birth of children, which complicates things. Don’t get me wrong, I love children and believe they should be celebrated. They are a wonderful gift. When the cheater spawns a serial family, there are serious problems present. In such cases, having children has taken precedence over having good morals. Good morals are essential for a healthy marriage. The cheater often misinterprets celebrations of their actions as ‘approval’ of their actions. What those coddling parents meant as a praise for a healthy child, is often interpreted in the cheater’s mind as “They are rewarding me, I need to do this some more”.
Coddling parents are very dangerous to marriages and extremely dangerous to marriages at risk for an affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
This is so true ….in the situation we are in …My husband has displayed in his relationship with the children of adultery more of a ‘fair weather father’ .situation ..He desires to be the ‘buddy ‘ who never makes them feel badly …This actually was how he ‘fathered’ our chidlren …left the training , teaching and discipline on me …HE says that he had not choice in the matter, that I had the way I wanted to raise them and he did not agree so he opted out .
This is only partially true. I DID have the way I felt we should raise them ..according to God’s directives in the WORD …when we married we were in harmony on this and agreement …He however later on decided he did not want to learn from the Word HOW to live in marriage …as husband …and then as a father …he told me as much
He said I do not want to learn to be a husband or a father …
This was going back on his vow to GOD and to me .
Children are not our property …they belong to GOD and we are stewards of them for GOD
God gives very clear and direct guidelines and commands regarding the training up of children
My husband did not want to study the Bible ..which he was doing in the beginning ..and was part of the agreement we made when we married that we would both grow together in the study of the WORD …not in any particular religious group but to grow by way of personal study …making sound decision through the wisdom of the word
He was doing this at the beginning …but he got pulled away ..and he did not want to humble himself to making more effort personally to study …not even together …FUN and more and more activities and people who did not care for any boundaries took his heart away …even from our new baby …
He was once a wonderful humble guy …loved people but did not want to learn boundaries …did not want boundaries….I remember one of his best friends from college used to entertain …this friends favorite singer was Frank Sinatra…whose theme song ‘ I did it MY way ‘ was always prominent in this mans home…HE was the last guy of his friends to marry …he had many many beautiful young women over the years…He was the consummate bachelor and I now wonder how this man’s life influenced my husband
My husband came from what might be called a ‘Leave it to Beaver’ sort of homelife…in many ways…yet …he had many friends who were players…and even friends of his parents I remember now were a man how was much older than his young wife with a young child …and now I recall this man was married before …with a family …so I wonder now as my husband’s first job was working with this man if he was not influenced to admire this man and the way his family of his first wife got along ..or so he may have thoughts
People do not realize the PAIN and the LOSSES of adultery and divorce….
I am presently reading a book called “PARENT’S WHO CHEAT ” HOW CHILDREN AND ADULTS ARE AFFECTED WHEN THEIR PARENTS ARE UNFAITHFUL ” by Ana Nogales, PhD [amazon]
All of the ways those around us effect our perceptions about marriage and family and various outcomes are usually unconsciously bringing about assumptions
My husband’s brother married a wonderful woman whose father divorced her mother and married another and they seem to be just a wonderful “BLENDED family ‘
But no one knows the true inside of these people
“Blended families’ that result from widowhood are one thing…and I believe many of the ‘helps’ provided for blended families began with such an intention
Now the offerings to help blended families are bringing information on ways to try to make the children of divorce ACCEPT the situation their parents have placed them in …to ACCEPT a sinful ‘marriage’ that is a result of divorce..and often due to adultery!
This is a great evil to me …that people put so much pressure on children to accept as ‘normal ‘ and ‘acceptable’ what GOD calls ADULTERY ! …Children have lost both parents in divorce and now they must accept a blended family situation of fear losing the love of the parent!
My husband having observed the blended family idea as not harmful due to his not really SEEING the pain and suffering these children of the blended family and what they go through ..ASSUMED that the children of HIS adulterous arrangement MIGHT …if they were found out …be ‘raised ‘ by OUR children!
It is appalling that such a man …educated at one of the most prestigious and difficult to gain entrance into universities in the world has presumed such a thing! HE had a full scholarship for four years…THIS man is NOT STUPID! …
My daughters in particular find his attitude appalling …and do not speak of their feelings much ..so he does not KNOW what they feel ..HE jokes and charms but they are still offended ..They have not much of a voice though I told them they need to try to speak up about this ..they NEED to practice speaking up ..and HE needs to hear them …they are in their twenties ..and they MAY sacrifice their most marriagable and productive years now ..,just helping us deal with this …they have not ‘launched’ as they have been taught that they should wait for a young man who their father was to ‘examine’ by godly standards.
NOw they feel without the kind of fatherly protection and my husband is so shamed in himself that he does not want to do this kind of helpful fatherly duty …
He is very charming and witty and loving but he has abducated his role …and leaving our children to deal with their lives dispite our daughters are not independent…but live more along the ‘old fashioned’ ways of ladylike behavior .
Men who abandon their wives to play are doing a great harm to the future generations .
Children have many ‘buddys’ but only ONE father ….how sad so many men are missing out on this because they refuse to grow up ….