In my readings, there are times I come across quotes that express truths in very succinct ways. Although I wish I’d originally come up with them, the author found a better way of expressing them than I did.
One of those quotes by Arthur Pontynen is “Those who interfere with self-absorption incur the fury of the self-absorbed.”
It was one of those quotes that means more the longer I consider the ramification of his statement. This quote is a clear answer to those wanting to know why their spouse is so angry with them after discovering the affair.
When they get angry with you, it’s a sign that you’re interfering with their self-absorption. You are interrupting their selfish patterns. In interrupting their patterns you are forcing them into making changes.
In these cases, the anger is signaling that you’re getting through. They tried ignoring you, but it’s not working anymore. You’re getting through their self-absorption and they don’t like it.
You interfered with their worship of self and self-interest. They were making their own rules and you changed that.
This also means that rather than viewing their anger as a bad thing, it’s actually a good thing. It’s also one of those counter-intuitive things.
Typically when you’re spouse is angry at you, it’s viewed as a bad thing. In this case, it’s good news. It lets you know that you have connected with them. You managed to get their attention, whether they wanted to give it to you or not.
They may act like they’re ignoring you, yet their anger tells you that it’s all an act.
If this revelation is news to you, then you’ll want to consider that you need to change your approach to the affair and how you’re handling it. You may be mistaken about some other things as well.
In the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” I guide you through a unique sequence designed for healing your marriage and rebuilding it in the aftermath of an affair.
When your marriage has gone topsy-turvy, you need innovative ways of handling your spouse and your own needs. In the workshop, you discover techniques and hacks designed for getting your spouse’s attention and opening up communication between the two of you without high drama and violence.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
