Today I want to address the topic of ‘affair aftershocks’. My use of the term is in reference to the continued emotional adjustment required after the initial affair recovery.
Much like an earthquake, the affair releases tensions that may have been building over a long period of time. Even when the two of you are back together, it doesn’t mean that the tensions have been resolved.
The more tensions there were, the more dramatic and emotionally powerful the release. The tensions go back to the root needs that each of you have. When your root needs are messed up, you’ll feel distant and out of touch with your spouse, even though the two of you are back together.
Your recovery may have focused on addressing the surface level symptoms, causes and temptations. These all needed your attention.
It could be that the lack of connection you experience goes back to unaddressed needs. Those unmet needs are keeping the two of you apart.
In this case, I’m not talking about sexual needs, but rather the need to feel valued, cherished and affirmed in ways that connect with you. You and your spouse may have never considered these things before.
At our core, each of us needs to feel valued, cherished and affirmed. Where problems arise are typically what you do in meeting those needs. Chances are the two of you have likely never talked about needs in this way before.
You know something is missing, but struggle in finding ways of putting it into words. This is where being connected to a community where people have similar concerns can help.
In the Restored Lifestyle site, you can ask questions, share and find new ways of making it through those challenges. Affair aftershocks don’t have to keep the distance in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
