Do you play chess? If not, you’re missing out on some important life lessons. One is that the opening moves are the most important of the game.
What you do in those opening moves shapes the direction of how the game ends up. Those opening moves position you in either with either an upper hand or defensive position for the rest of the game.
It’s true in chess and in real life.
In my life, there have been critical moments where decisions were made that shaped the direction of what happened for years after. Those critical moments where decisions were made and how they were handles shaped my position for many days afterwards.
The importance of how you handle your opening moves also applies to affairs and their discovery. What you do in those first three hours after discovering the affair shapes how the rest of recovery goes.
During those critical moments, what you say and do either open doors or slam them shut with a loud sound. Once shut, your opportunity to change it may not come again or open with great effort.
Those hours determine what happens for the next few years and the direction things will go.
What you say during those times also makes its greatest impact. For this reason, you want to handle what happens in those three hours the best way possible.
What’s said and done during that time continue replaying in your mind and the cheater’s mind for months to come.
It’s not just what you say to your spouse, it’s also about what you told yourself in your own self-talk. You may have shut yourself off from any reconciliation just by programming your mind at that time.
Although you were shocked or angry, telling yourself things like “There’s NO WAY I’ll ever forgive them!” or “There’s no way in Hell they can make this up!” or the like amounts to shutting a huge iron door and locking it behind you.
What may have been a statement of your frustration has now become a roadblock in recovering from the affair.
In all likelihood, you’ve already passed the three hour mark. Although you missed some opportunities, you still have some opportunities for recovering lost ground if you don’t waste your time.
The longer you wait in taking action, the more opportunities are lost. You may dismiss what you said as you just being angry, but your words can’t be taken back.
This is why your opening moves are so critical to affair recovery. Your words at those moments stick in your spouse’s brain and heart.
In the video on handling the Affair Crisis, I address many of the areas needing your attention, especially in the early days of discovering the affair. You’ll discover ways of handling those opportunities so that you don’t push your spouse away.
When you click and download it, within minutes you can be changing the direction of your marriage. Rather than feeling like you’re wandering around lost and confused, you can instead be starting your journey toward affair recovery.
You can’t get those initial three hours back, but you can make the most of the opportunities you have both in terms of recognizing them and knowing how to use them to your benefit.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
