In dealing with adultery, one of the concerns you may have is “How does infidelity begin?” I like the phrase I once heard a pastor use to address the topic. He said “It happens in the head before it happens in the bed”. His comment is valid and true. Infidelity begins in the head. The cheating often begins with fantasies. Many of you may have had stray thoughts about cheating, but make a conscious choice not to dwell on those thoughts. Cheaters on the other hand, often choose to “rewind and replay” those thoughts and fantasies over and over. They pick up the thoughts and don’t let go. With the frequent repeating of the thoughts, they begin problem solving on how to make it happen along with starting emotional engagement. Once the emotions are engaged, they provide the power to execute what the brain has been fantasizing about.
When there is a mixture of brain and emotion, what most people consider the ‘heart’ is now in play. If the cheater is a person prone to give into their urges, they may find it hard to stop the fantasy. Each time the fantasy is rehearsed, it gains strength and momentum. When the fantasy is strong enough, the brain often starts finding ways to ‘make it happen’. It is only a matter of time at that point for the brain to find the right time to ‘execute’ the plan.
Since the cheater has rehearsed the whole matter in their head repeatedly, they often function like they were on ‘automatic pilot’. They have literally trained themselves to cheat when the right opportunity presents itself. When the opportunity happens, they cheat. This is one reason you may hear, “It just happened” or “It did not mean anything”. There is a reason for that. They were just executing programs that their brain has been working on for a period of time.
This will give you some basic understanding of “how does infidelity begin”. Dealing with the infidelity will require more detailed material, like those in my e-book on dealing with your partner’s affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
