An email arrived the other day concerning dealing with a long-term affair. What makes this situation challenging is that the wife shared that they’d been married 50 years.
Affairs aren’t limited to the young. Even those with long marriages are vulnerable to the damage of an affair. Her email gives you an idea of what happens.
“He says he loves me. He continues showing me he loves me as well. He often says he’s trying to make up for his affair.
I struggle with him not telling me the truth about the affair and how long it went on. It’s like he wants to sweep it under the rug and wants me just to “get over it”.
I’m angry. He goes on his merry way and had his ‘fun’ affair. Now he decides he wants me. I wonder if that’s his way of avoiding splitting everything. I don’t know.
Trust is broken still. Should I try to forget his not giving me the truth about the length of his affair? He has lied for 4 1/2 years now. He gives me different answers time and again. I see his trying to love and be good to me but I’m bothered he’s manipulating me and getting away with betraying me, not being truthful or accountable.”
Her email makes it clear that she’s hurting. Although he’s admitted to his infidelity, how it’s been handled has only stretched the pain out over a period of years.
His wanting to ‘sweep it under the rug’ ends up sending the message that his wife’s opinion doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is his emotional well-being.
The wife’s feelings and concerns have been disregarded, which has only added to her feelings of anger and betrayal. The fact that he’s continued lying and refuses to be accountable for his actions has only made things worse.
If he truly wants to make things right, then it’s time for him to take for his actions and be honest with her. He needs to understand that if he doesn’t change his behavior, then their relationship is doomed.
The wife needs to be heard and respected in order for them both to move forward together.
His actions actually end up fueling more of his wife’s doubts about his sincerity about staying married. They could’ve benefited from the video “How Can I Trust Him Again?”
The situation is one where each spouse doubts the other. They live with doubts about each other’s sincerity. The rift between them is turning into a chasm.
His delay in telling her the truth is keeping the hurt alive. He says he wants to sweep it under the rug, yet his choices are making that impossible.
If anything his choices are keeping the wounds festering and fresh. He keeps the hurt alive and painful.
Rather than let bad choices create a chasm between you and your spouse, click and download the trust video today. In it, you’ll find ways of repairing the damage rather than letting what happened to push the two of you further apart.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
