There are times I feel the need to speak out and warn people. This is especially true when it comes to propaganda.
It would be one thing if it came with a warning, but in most cases, the propaganda is presented as truth. One of the propaganda mantras I hear these days is “It’s who I am.”
On the surface, the saying appears innocuous. You may have even heard the cheater tell you this exact phrase.
There are several dangers behind that saying. The dangers are hidden from you when you come across it on shows and programs. This propaganda even shows up in Hallmark movies.
One danger is that it equates your person with your performance. If you make good choices, it makes you look good, but if you make mistakes or a few foolish or bad choices, you become a ‘bad person’.
This is not only dangerous, it’s a lie. You are more than your performance. Your identity isn’t tied to how you perform, but to who you really are as an individual. No one should ever let themselves be defined by their mistakes or lack of success.
Since the message is drilled into you since you were a youngster, it’s hard separating the two. In getting through affair recovery, it’s essential that you’re able to know the difference between who a person is and what they did.
Another danger is that it’s an excuse for not changing and not accepting responsibility. By saying “It’s who I am”, the speaker essentially tells you that you have to accept them as is because they don’t plan on changing.
The phrase is popular in romcoms but does major damage to relationships when you believe it. That simple phrase can damage your relationship in ways you never imagined.
It’s essential that you understand the dangers of this propaganda and don’t accept it. You are far more than a few bad choices or lack of success. Those mistakes put you into a box or prison. Don’t let anyone define you by their own standards; instead, be true to yourself and remember who you really are. That’s what really matters in the end.
We all make mistakes. Learning how to solve problems and make it past mistakes in your marriage is what will make your relationship stronger.
Getting past those mistakes also involves rebuilding trust. In the video “How Can I Trust YOU Again“, I share how you and your spouse can rebuild the trust the two of you once had.
A bad choice or mistake doesn’t immediately make them a bad person. There really is a big difference between who they are and what they did.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
