When you do a TED talk, it immediately gives you expert and celebrity status. At that point anytime you speak, you’re identified as having given a TED talk. Whether your talk was a success or a flop doesn’t matter. You are seen as a guru because…you gave a TED talk.
One of those TED talk celebrities is Esther Perel. After her TED talks, her book sales took off and she is now an ‘expert’ in the eyes of the media concerning affairs. She has some points worth considering I want to share with you.
There are some views on relationships that I totally agree with her on. One is “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.” This is solid.
Another view is that “It takes two people to create a pattern but only one to change it.” When it comes to relationships and couples, one person has a tremendous impact.
Finally, Esther says that “We actively choose our experiences in life and with whom we share them.” This is important to understand. We have a choice in who we become involved with. It’s not just random chance or fate. We can make an active decision on the people we choose to spend time with and how much of it should be spent.
Even though you feel powerless or impotent, the reality is that you can change your relationships. You can change what you do, how you do it, and the direction it goes. One person can change the relationship and the direction it’s going.
You can change things even though you feel overwhelmed by them. Emotions have a way of distorting facts, including facts about your marriage. Emotions can keep you from seeing what is actually there. Your emotions can have you believing things that aren’t true. Your own emotions can blind you to things that are happening, be they good or bad.
My own correlation to what Esther said is that “all it takes for bad patterns to continue in your marriage is to ignore doing anything about them.”
If you’re not happy with the direction your marriage is going, it will continue on that path if you do nothing. If you want things to change, you have to change something yourself.
You can’t change your spouse, but you can certainly change yourself and how you relate to your spouse.
I realize that in order to change patterns, you first have to be aware of them. You have to be awake enough to notice what they are. When you see them, you can begin changing them.
In my “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program, I share ways of improving your marriage. Instead of having a marriage where the two of you put up with each other and tolerate things, you can have a better marriage.
Click and order the 30-day program where you can begin making small changes over the 30 days. Those small changes end up making a big difference in the quality of your marriage and the direction it’s going.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
