When a husband came in puzzled and concerned that his wife had regrets after swinging my response was “What did you expect?” It astounds me he was genuinely surprised at his wife’s reaction to unnatural acts. It told me that he didn’t have a clue.
Let me make this as simple as possible. When you have your spouse engage in unnatural acts, there will be a reaction. Life won’t go back to normal. You have introduced an element that didn’t exist in the relationship before and it will take time for your spouse to process what has happened.
This is one reason why quantities of drugs and alcohol are associated with swinging. The intoxication is the only way they can engage in what they’re doing.
That husband has unrealistic expectations about his marriage and his sex life. Unrealistic expectations are at the root of unhappiness. When the ‘happenings’ don’t occur the way he wanted them to, there will be disappointment.
He’s already disappointed with her reaction. It leads me to think that in his mind, he scripted out even her reactions to being a part of his idea. He has some unrealistic expectations, and when they don’t come to fruition it leads to more disappointment.
Bottom line: People who choose to engage in swinging need an honest look at what it is they are expecting to get out of it and how realistic those expectations are. It’s not just about the sex, but being emotionally prepared for the possible consequences afterwards.
Real-life swinging doesn’t go like it’s portrayed in porn movies and adult magazines. There are feelings involved. Issues like emotions and bonding have to be considered as well. Sex is more than a transaction. Bonding and emotional connection have to be considered.
He didn’t consider how traumatizing swinging was for her. Her own husband now wants her to sleep with others. He’s no longer protecting her, but instead encouraging her to be with others. That act carries a message of rejection with it. It’s not sharing, it’s rejecting what they once had.
The special bond between them is no longer valued or treated as special. Sure, he talks about it as if it still exists, but the reality is that it’s gone.
Losing that special relationship has consequences. It changes the relationship between them. The emotional change and trauma need to be addressed. Sure you can use intoxicants to cover it over, but eventually, the pain will come out.
In the video, “Overcoming Relationship Trauma for Swingers”, I deal with this issue. The changes will bring reactions that need attention. Some of the hurt can be healed.
Take steps today to keep things from becoming worse. The pain won’t go away on its own. Click and download the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
