About 20 years ago, while attending a substance abuse conference in Houston, I found myself shocked for a moment by what a presenter said. It was so surprising I found myself repeating it over and over in my head as I pondered his statement.
The presenter dared say “An affair isn’t the worst thing that can happen”.
As shocking as an affair is, I realized that his bold statement was true. Since then, I’ve seen how true it is. As bad as affairs are, there are worse situations and events. Those worse situations are more difficult to forgive than the affair itself.
I’m not suggesting that affairs should be taken lightly, but rather that some couples can use an affair as a turning point to make their relationship stronger. It’s possible for a couple to become even closer after one partner has an affair because it can open up the lines of communication and cause real changes in how they interact.
One of those worse situations is the sudden discovery of the true parent of an affair love child. This tragic situation happens quite frequently. It’s one thing to lie about an affair, it’s worse living a lie long after the affair is over.
This situation is painful for the child, painful for you and painful for your marriage.
Discovering that what you thought was your child is not and that it was hidden from you is stunning. It’s the kind of news that turns your world upside out worse than an affair. It’s a heart ripper of an experience.
You may have had doubts and suspicions, yet nothing prepares you for such a discovery.
That kind of heart-ripper wound is tough to recover from, both for the betrayed spouse and for your marriage. Although you can bounce back from an affair, I can’t promise the same kind of recovery from this kind of situation. “An affair isn’t the worst thing that can happen”.
When you’ve been the victim of such a heart ripper, you need something that will give you relief. You need a way of letting go of the pain, just in order to live your daily life. Your life stopped with the news and now you need a way of getting back into life.
The best way I know of is starting with forgiveness. You need a way of letting go of all that pain before you can get on with life. You need the release that only forgiveness delivers. One of the problems is that many people do not have a clear understanding of what forgiveness is or how to go about doing it.
Although I designed the video “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” specifically for affairs, you need it for those things that are ‘worse’ than the affair.
You need to click the link, order the video and follow the instructions right away. You need it for your well-being, keeping your sanity and recovering those shattered pieces of your heart and marriage.
There really are things worse than an affair. There are also ways of moving past them.
Keeping it Real,
Jeff
