Diminishing the images in your head related to the affair is tough. The instant replay of what you imagined happened is painful to go through. In many ways it has more in common with torture than with a fantasy. The thoughts can become obsessive at times, to where they steal your peace of mind and confidence. You may even find it difficult to function on a daily basis due to the recurring thoughts in your head. With all the tormenting thoughts, you may ask the question, “How do I get rid of them?”
Although I often wish there was a ‘silver bullet’ that puts all those thoughts to rest, such a silver bullet does not exist. Sure you can use alcohol, drugs, television, sex or religion as a way of blocking them out, which will work for a while, but such approaches do not solve the problem, they only buy you some time.
The place to start is asking the question “Do you really want to get rid of those thoughts?” In many cases, those thoughts give you the illusion that you have some control over a situation that is totally out of your control. You do not have control over what happen, you never did. Running the fantasy only feeds the fantasy that you could have stopped it. If you want to start letting go of the thoughts, you need to choose to let go of the thoughts along with the illusion of control they give. Many times, people continue holding onto the thoughts due to believing that somehow they can think their way through the situation, or that it gives them something to hold over the cheater. Neither of these is true. Who are the thoughts actually hurting? They are hurting you. You are the one in pain, not the cheater. No matter how many times you replay them, it does not impact the cheater. The more you replay them, the more you will hurt. You may be one of those that wants to hurt yourself as a way of punishing yourself or as a way to build up enough pain until you can hurt the cheater or their lover. All of those options are dead end streets. The payoff is not worth the price tag.
Letting go of the thoughts also means letting go of revenge, and the desire for revenge. When you hold onto the thoughts you will remain in a “hurt people hurting people” cycle.
This post is only designed to start the process of letting go of the thoughts. There are more posts to come on this important issue.
Although it does not deal with the obsessive thoughts, you will eventually need to purchase by e-book on rebuilding trust.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
