The first step was important, since it addressed the motivation behind the obsessive thoughts. When the power is cut off, they are easier to manage and stop.
The next important step for you to take in letting go of the thoughts is “changing your focus”. As long as you focus on the hurt and the pain inflicted on you, it will cripple you.
As humans, you want to hurt those who hurt you. When you focus on a hurt, your mind begins formulating ways of hurting back.
For that reason, it’s important to change your focus. Rather than dwelling on the past, and the hurt, you need to look at where the relationship is at and what you can do about it now.
It is logistically impossible to change the past, likewise trying to change your situation by altering where you put the blame or blaming yourself will not change things in the hear and now. The cheater blew it, you blew it, so now, “What are you going to do about it?”
Instead of dwelling on what was done to you, or how could they have done it, you need to change your focus to “What are you doing to improve things NOW!”
Changing your focus opens you up to new solutions and new answers. Looking into the past does not improve the future for your marriage. What’s going to change your marriage in the future is what your focus is now along with what you are doing NOW.
You not only need to get your mind out of the gutter of the past, you need to get it in the here and now.
You may need the added benefit of a support community like the one at Restored Lifestyle. There you can share with others along with having access to the videos and helps with affair recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff
