You can imagine the surprise on my face when a reader asked “Is my affair a symptom of mental illness?” Typically, the one asking is the betrayed spouse. This question surprised me since it was the cheater who asked the question.
The fact that they’re asking the question hints that they aren’t totally okay with their affair. For a cheater to search for answers like that shows me that they are experiencing doubts concerning themselves and what happened or they’ve been the victim of serious gaslighting.
If you go to your psychiatrist with this question, it’s likely that you’ll get caught up in names and diagnoses. Technically, in order to diagnose things like partner factors, relationship factors, individual vulnerability, cultural or religious issues and medical factors are all taken into consideration.
When you have that many factors for consideration, things get complicated and confusing. Frequently you’ll be given a description that often gets confused with an explanation. In putting a name on something, the assumption is that you now know the cause.
I’d rather cut through the mumbo-jumbo and have you, the reader consider the question, “Would a well-adjusted person cheat with someone other than their spouse?”
I can tell you this…It’s not a healthy behavior.
Sleeping around is used in avoiding issues and hiding pain. Sex covers a multitude of sins. It also shows up when you lose control of your impulses.
Another good question to consider is “What are you doing to make your marriage and yourself healthy?” If what you’re doing isn’t improving things, it’s a bad habit.
The good news is that there ways of repairing the damaging impact of an affair. The affair doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage.
So, when are you ready to start making your marriage better? Is today soon enough?
If so, then click and download the Affair Recovery Workshop, which guides you and your spouse through recovery from what happened. What matters more is how you deal with the affair from here on instead of punishing yourself or your spouse over it.
Order your copy today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
