In a recent conversation with a peer, John Bradshaw was mentioned. I recalled attending his last public presentation. Although he was wheelchair-bound, it didn’t dampen his enthusiasm or spirit. Sadly, he passed away in 2016.
He excitedly talked about his joint project on sex addictions with Patrick Carnes. They were putting their skills together to tackle this important issue.
The man who made Oprah cry like a baby and the leading expert on sexual addiction teamed up on this important issue. He was excited about it.
Over the years of working with relationships and addictions, he still loved people and helping others. Although he’s probably best known for bringing attention to ‘inner child’ issues, which is the issue that brought Oprah to tears. I think his strong point was more about recovery and relapse prevention.
He connected with others in ways that put him ahead of other mental health ‘experts’. This is probably why Oprah had him out to her place for some private work.
Since I lived in the Houston area, I saw him in action many times. I had connections with the Palmer Drug Abuse programs and saw his recovery work in action.
One of John Bradshaw’s secrets for successful recovery and relapse was having the one in recovery state “I need help” 30 times. It takes multiple repetitions of the phrase to sink into your mind.
There are several reasons why this secret works. What matters most is that it works.
Think about what this could do for your cheater. When the cheater admits “I need help” that many times, it starts sinking in.
It’s easy to say it once or twice. With multiple repetitions, reality finally sinks in. They start waking up to the fact that they need help.
The realization of a cheater that they need help is a pivotal point in their journey toward recovery and reform. This moment of self-awareness is crucial because it signals the transition from denial to acceptance, which is the first step toward making significant changes.
The ‘once and done’ mentality is your enemy when it comes to admitting help is needed. The cheater needs the humility that comes with multiple admissions and help is needed.
John Bradshaw knew the workings of unhealthy minds. Unhealthy minds need repetition, they need humility, they need confession. When going through an affair relapse, you really need this kind of intervention.
In the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” you’ll learn more about what you need in order to keep it from happening again.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
