When I was in college, my professor, Eva Stubits made us keep a journal documenting our emotions. At that time I was dating and started a new relationship filled with many intense feelings.
Dr. Stubits reviewed our journals regularly and left her remarks. She commented on my entries with the question “Are you in love with the person or in love with love?”
I was incensed that she dared asking such a question, yet now, thirty years later, I see the wisdom in her question.
That same question has ramifications for those caught up in affairs. Sure there are lots of emotional fireworks. The excitement is intoxicating.
You may find yourself eagerly looking forward to seeing your lover. Each day is filled with anticipation of what new adventure or experience lies ahead. Although you may tell yourself it is the lover you are interested in, the reality is that it is the ‘excitement’ and thrill of the affair.
The even harsher reality is that the anticipation has more to do with what you are manufacturing in your head, than actual experiences.
The question for cheaters is “Am I addicted to the excitement of the affair or the person?” In all likelihood, the excitement of doing something that you are not supposed to be doing is pumping your adrenaline.
Even Scripture points out that “bread eaten in secret is sweet“. Many times, when you are doing sneaky things, your increase in adrenaline secretions is often interpreted as “excitement” or “thrill”.
Your body is telling you that you are doing something that is ‘wrong’, or that you are in a dangerous situation, yet you put a spin on the sudden surge in adrenaline and re-label that surge as ‘exciting’.
When you can get the same ‘rush’ with other lovers. When the thrill is interchangable with whatever hook-up who is willing to take a few risks with you, then you are addicted more to the affair than the person.
If you were seriously into the person, you would be taking steps to understand them, what their needs are, what their fears are and ways of helping them rather than “What new, fun thing can we do today?”
If you are facing one of those situation where you are caught up in the excitement that goes with the affair and want out, there’s hope. The video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” guides you on your journey. You can know what to do and when to do it in bringing the relationship to an end.
Best Regards,
Jeff
