Lately, there’s been an uptick in the letters and feedback concerning the role of porn. One reader wrote, “Can you touch on the people that are addicted to porn? My husband who has cheated on me but is also into the lifestyle will spend hours upon hours looking at porn on his computer. I do not understand the attraction nor do I understand how anyone can spend hours on the computer doing something other than work.”
Any addiction brings trouble and turmoil. With both pornography, love and sexual addictions, there are added dimensions that come with sexually oriented addictions.
Rather than going into hair splitting about whether you are dealing with a pornography addiction or sexual addiction or some other addiction, I’ll address some of what they have in common. Any activity that gets you out of pain quickly has the potential for addiction.
Since pornography gets the viewer into another frame of mind quickly along with activating many parts of the brain, it’s potential for addiction is high. Instead of Calgon taking them away, the images take them to another place emotionally and mentally.
They get lost in their own fantasies crafted by the pornographers. While in that place, they forget about their pain. In it’s place is a chasing down of arousal.
The faster you’re taken out of the pain, the greater the potential for addiction. Although addictions start off as seeking an enjoyable sensation, it soon shifts to an avoidance of pain.
When the addiction becomes pain avoidance, the addict gets stuck in using the addictive behavior to feel ‘normal’.
The hours spent watching porn or engaging in sexual activity is part of putting your brain in a state of hyperarousal. They aren’t just physically aroused, they are activating the higher cortical parts of their brain. The addict is accustomed to their brain being turned ‘on’ across multiple parts.
Much like several cups of coffee wakes you up. The extended time looking at porn or engaging in sexual activity (usually about two hours) is needed in turning on/activating the brain at a higher level of stimulation. It’s about a brain seeking addictive levels of stimulation.
It’s only when it’s turned on that they feel ‘normal’. They’re so accustomed to life in the fast lane, they can’t imagine it any other way.
When they don’t have their ‘drug of choice’, they may resort to fantasies or some fast action activity. They may even hide their addiction in the fast action activities.
Addictions are often found with other addictions. The porn or sexual addiction may be the one’s that bother you, yet there may be others as well.
This is where video game playing, gambling, drug use or binge television watching are used in covering their addictions. The faster and more stimulating, the more addictive they are. These activities also become triggers that suck the addict back into their unhealthy thinking.
It’s common for addicted brains to go from one addictive behavior to another. This way they quit doing one particular behavior, yet the addiction is still raging, and getting increasingly out of control.
The addict is not used to dealing with life on life’s terms. They are always seeking work arounds.
If the cheater in your life shows any addictive tendencies, you’ll need the video “Overcoming Affair Relapse“. In the video, you’ll learn about triggers, high risk situations and other essential tools needed in dealing with addictions.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
