There are times I feel the need to speak out and warn people. This is especially true when it comes to affairs and the propaganda surrounding them.
It would be one thing if it came with a warning, but in most cases, the propaganda is presented as truth. One of the affair propaganda mantras I hear these days is “It’s who I am.”
On the surface, the saying appears innocuous. You may have even heard the cheater tell you this exact phrase.
There are several dangers behind that saying. The dangers are hidden from you when you come across them on shows and programs. This propaganda even shows up in Hallmark movies. It’s the “It’s complicated” relationship that everyone is rooting for.
The movies and television programming trains your mind into accepting this excuse. Your mind is softened up to accept it when you hear it.
The first danger is that it excuses bad behavior. If you’re a cheater and you say “It’s who I am,” you’re essentially giving yourself a free pass to keep cheating. It becomes your identity and you no longer see it as something you’re choosing to do.
A second danger is that it equates your person with your performance. If you make good choices, it makes you look good, but if you make mistakes or a few foolish or bad choices, you become a ‘bad person’.
Since the message is drilled into you since you were a youngster, it’s hard separating the two. In getting through affair recovery, it’s essential that you’re able to know the difference between who a person is and what they did.
Another danger is that it’s an excuse for not changing and not accepting responsibility. By saying “It’s who I am”, the speaker essentially tells you that you have to accept them as is because they don’t plan on changing.
The phrase is popular in romcoms but does major damage to relationships when you believe it. That simple phrase can damage your relationship in ways you never imagined.
We all make mistakes. Learning how to solve problems and make it past mistakes in your marriage is what will make your relationship stronger.
Getting past those mistakes also involves rebuilding trust. In the video “How Can I Trust YOU Again”, I share how you and your spouse can rebuild the trust the two of you once had.
A bad choice or mistake doesn’t immediately make them a bad person. There really is a big difference between who they are and what they did.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
