As cheaters look for any excuse to have or justify their affair, one of the popular “excuses” claims that” an affair makes your marriage stronger”. Cheaters know that you are vulnerable during the time after the affair is found out.
Some cheaters exploit that vulnerability either intentionally or accidentally. It’s not by accident that the sites making this claim feature attractive looking couples.
When the people making the claim look too good and the message doesn’t pass your ‘gut’ test, it should tell you something.
During that time after discovering an affair, you and the cheater want to find something outside of yourselves to blame or use to excuse what happened.
Both of you want to move past what happened. In many cases you’d like to do it without having to look at what happened and how it effects both of you.
I don’t blame you. It’s ugly and stirs up unpleasant feelings.
In addressing the issue of whether or not one of the effects is that it makes your marriage stronger, consider the following:
1. How can a violation of marital vows make your marriage stronger? Logic dictates that the weakening of boundaries makes things weaker, not stronger.
2. Look at the source. When you hear claims about affairs making marriage stronger, consider who is making them and whether there is a pattern. In keeping my finger on the pulse of affairs, I see such claims pop up with regularity.
There are often several claims under different names, yet they all have the same IP address. When I see weird patterns or strange repetitions like this, I have trouble trusting the source.
Another source to check are advertisers on pages making such a claim. Those ads tell you who is underwriting and supporting them.
It should come as no surprise that men’s magazines or those sites promoting loose morals are the ones that often have such articles. When I see the context of the article, it lets me know that there is likely an agenda at work.
There’s the false belief that just “because it is on the internet, it must be true“. If you are one of those that believes things just because they are on the internet, you’re a fool without much hope of change.
3. What proof can they show you? Consider what evidence they present that an affair made their marriage stronger.
Is there more trust?
Is there more honesty?
Is there more security?
Is there stronger commitment to the relationship?
Look at what evidence they present rather than just the headline claims made. Examine if these key areas are improved by the affair.
4. What have you found on your own? Consider the marriages you know where there have been affairs? Has the affair made the relationship better?
Sure they may have strengthened their ability to fight, to argue, to have passionate rages, but are these the kind of marriages that you want?
Are these people genuinely happy as a result of the affair?
Do they recommend affairs?
Would they have an affair again?
Given that affairs have devastated many more of you than it has helped, I do not see how an affair can strengthen a marriage. Perhaps those who make such claims are one of those rare 1 in a million lottery winners at the relationship casino.
Bear in mind that the odds are stacked against you, with the risk of disease, guilt, suicide, depression, psychosomatic health conditions, high blood pressure, and murder as possible risks.
The odds are not in your favor. The dangers are not worth the risks.
Gambling that your marriage may get stronger as a result of the affair is tantamount to allowing the cheater to risk the life savings, inheritance, and mortgage all on one roll of the dice/spin of the wheel/hand at cards. It is not worth it.
What will make your marriage stronger is taking steps that overcome the affair. Steps like rebuilding trust, improving communication, and increasing intimacy. You can take these steps with the downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop“.
When you follow the directions, you can see change in each of these areas.
Best Regards,
Jeff
