When you feel helpless and powerless, you often become immobilized. This is one of the reasons cheaters often use comments like “You have nowhere to go”, “Who would want you”, “Wherever you go, I will find you and kill you” in order to control you. When the cheater can immobilize you with their words and threats, they know that you will do nothing. They have you immobilized. You will not say or do anything to oppose them, instead, you will suffer in quiet desperation. You may know something is dreadfully wrong, you may want to do something about it yet feel powerless to do so. The cheater may have taken away your free will and ability to think for yourself.
Learning how to reclaim your free will can be done. You can learn how to cancel out all the fears and voices in your head that are immobilizing you from speaking out. Typically, mind control is based on you believing a series of lies. They have often surrounded you with lies so much that you are unsure what is truth and what is a lie. It is while in that confused state of not knowing what is true that they took control. That can be undone by choosing ‘not to believe their lies’. That means that you will have to refute their lies, at least in your head. Lies about who you are, your value, your marriage, your future. The road to freedom from the learned helplessness starts in your mind and your heart by choosing not to believe their lies any longer.
I mention the learned helplessness because many cheaters have managed continuing to do what they do largely though their spouse being immobilized by learned helplessness. As long as nothing changes, the patterns will continue. In order to heal lives and marriages, the patterns will need to change. Change can begin with the spouse suffering in quiet desperation learning how to stop that part of the cycle.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
