Once you stop believing the lies you are being told by the cheater, it is important to follow that up by telling yourself the truth. When you are not used to recognizing the truth, telling it to yourself is not easy. In order to overcome the learned helplessness and message about your worthlessness, you will need to develop a rigorous honesty about many aspects of your life. You will need to be honest about what you feel, what you think and what you do. Rather than blame others for those things, you will need to accept responsibility for your part of them. For example, the cheater did not ‘make’ you feel helpless. You feel helpless in reaction to what the cheater did. The cheater did not ‘make’ you mad. You chose to be angry in response to something they said or did. When they said or did those things, you thought things and felt things. The anger came along as a way to avoid facing those feelings. It is often easier to be angry at the cheater than to face your own fears of loneliness, rejection, betrayal and other terrible things.
Living honestly is not easy at first. It comes about a little at a time. When you begin living honestly with yourself, you will find yourself better able to deal with honesty from others, and actually want honesty. You are not asking too much for people to be honest with you. Being anything less than honest is disrespectful.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
