Workplace affairs have sinister twists to them that makes the pain exceptionally intense. There are added tensions of job security and secrecy which intensify the affair pain.
Whatever helplessness you experienced is multiplied when job issues are involved. Job issues put economic and vocational security at risk. Workplace affairs blur the distinctions between home and work.
When the cheater is being forced into an affair situation, the blurring is invasive. When the cheater willingly engages in the affair, the blurring of home and work is akin to backstabbing.
In such cases, the cheater made a choice of putting work and their satisfaction ahead of the family. In putting work and self ahead of the family, their work/job/career is made the top priority by default.
Every day the cheater keeps the affair going, surrenders more of their lives to their job/work/career leaving you with less and less of them.
If you feel like you are loosing your cheating spouse more and more each day, the reality is that you are. Each day and each choice they make establishes their priorities.
Each day they choose the job, means you are moved one more position closer to the back of the line. Each day they choose to put the job ahead of you is also them surrendering more of their lives to the work/job/career.
Workplace cheaters often have two lovers, the physical lover and the job. Both of which want MORE. They want more of their time, talents, creativity. They want full commitment.
In order for the cheater to return to you, they’ll have to say goodbye to each of their lovers.
You may want to explore if their main lover is the job or the physical lover.
When they only say goodbye to one of them, they have only returned half-way home. When the job is in human service, the arts, government, ministry, law enforcement or the military, you’ll often find yourself in a secondary role.
These fields are engulfing and all consuming. In order to please the mistress of the job, they willingly sacrifice their marriage, their lives, their time, etc. The cheater may call what they are doing ‘commitment’ or ‘drive’ or ‘service to their community/country’ or some other nice-sounding excuse for them abandoning you.
They’ll find many ways of dressing up their motivations so that they can rationalize the damage done to their marriage and family. They forget that in their marriage vows they pledged to “love, honor and cherish you above all others”.
Somehow they managed putting the “all others” ahead of you and it hurts. In many cases, they do not see the damage due to their commitment to the job.
When there’s been an affair with either career or lover at work, it damages your marriage. In each case, your marriage needs rehabilitation. Your marriage can get the help it needs with the material in the “Affair Recovery Workshop“.
In the workshop, you’ll gain the skills you need for confronting the affair, bypassing defensiveness, improving intimacy and breaking long standing family patterns associated with affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeff
2 Responses
I am thankful that the wisdom of prioritizing God and spouse is written clearly in the Word for those wise enough to make the effort to learn about the benefits God has provided in marriage for us if we are willing to set aside the pressure of the world to conform ….
Scripture tells us Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Though Solomon had the great wisdom from GOD he strayed from heeding it as he married many wives …One would think in today’s society the he of all men would have known the benefit of listening to God …but once he began to make alliances through marriage to other kings he found himself coming to this sad conclusion for all his experience” with many women…
Pro 30:18 ¶ There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:
Pro 30:19 The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.
He confessed he ‘knew not’ the way of a man with a maid……could this be because he did not heed God’s word in focusing upon his ONE spouse ?
Sometimes you may have heard someone say “Women , Who can understand them!”
God did not tell a man to understand ALL women but to live with his WIFE in an understanding way ..
1Pe 3:7 ¶ Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I wonder if some of the men who dread buying a gift for their wife on a special day is partly because they do not pay attention to her , what she likes …just spending time with her and observing …to learn HER for their own benefit to become more and more satisfied with her and begin to notice the things God has sown into the wife they chose!
Job satisfaction is actually short lived in today’s volatile job market while the spouse is til death do we part and if one lives as God tells us to in marriage THAT is a full time ‘occupation ‘ that should out last and out satisfy any employment op out there~!
Zaza,
I do wish many people would be transformed by the renewing of their minds. They have bought a bill of goods that is low-grade junk rather than cherish the value of their spouses. I like the way you phrased, “Job satisfaction is actually short lived in today’s volatile job market while the spouse is til death do we part and if one lives as God tells us to in marriage THAT is a full time ‘occupation ‘ that should out last and out satisfy any employment op out there~!” If people heeded that there would be fewer spouses who are suffering due to the job becoming more important that they are. This could help the spouses of ministers, the military, law enforcement, health care, lawyers, businessmen and the list goes on.