In the aftermath of an affair, it seems that much like the vultures circle around a dying animal, suitors seem to circle around what they suspect is a dying marriage. There will be offers to “go out” or “get together”. The suitors do not call it a date, since that would be too intimidating, so they put it in terms of “getting something to eat” or “let’s do something”. Although it is not called a date, it serves the same purpose. Given that you are struggling with your spouse “going out” others are attempting to do that with you. Some spouses take the bait and for ‘revenge’ do something to get back at the infidel by becoming an infidel themselves. That kind of logic to fix the situation does not work. It only serves to create guilt and increase the alienation.
So what is a person supposed to do? You will need friends and people to talk to. It will be important to keep them members of the same gender if that is possible. You will need to keep yourself from getting emotionally entangled in other relationships and other people’s crises. Jumping into other crises will get your mind off your own pain, but it does not improve your relationship. Dating, by whatever label it is called is not something that will improve your relationship. If you want to save the marriage, it is best to avoid it and anything resembling dating.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
2 Responses
Excellent article, it is very difficult for people who have been or are going through divorce or seperation.
James,
Thank you for your comment. It looks like you are not just talking about how difficult it is, you are doing something about it. Good for you.