One of the unintended consequences of casual sex is how it trivializes the act. When having sexual relations becomes as common as other routine daily activities, then cheaters do not believe they have done anything wrong when they have engaged in infidelity. Having sex becomes something as common as taking out the trash. In the cheaters mind, they are taking care of a daily need they have, much like other daily needs. The whole violation of marriage vows to you and to God are dismissed. They had needs that had to be satisfied which takes top priority in their mind. In their mind satisfying the need takes precedence over some promises that they made.
So how does all this casualizing of sex occur? It takes place through popular culture, and jokes. The mass media presents sex, including infidelity as ‘nothing’ special. When the cheater hears that message enough times over a long enough period of time, they think nothing of having an affair. They have been programmed to think that way. Does that mean that they had nothing to do with it? No, it means that they willingly allowed content that emphasized such a use of sex to sink in. They passively soaked up all the ‘propaganda’ about sex until they believed it and acted on it.
In many ways the casualizing of sex leads to them becoming numb to moral issues. (This can also happen when there has been sexual abuse in their earlier life.) Their conscience has been seared with a hot iron, which deadens any response to moral convictions. When the conscience is seared, their responsiveness to moral and spiritual issues is impaired. This is one reason they may not respond to many issues requiring good judgement in a manner which you may be expecting.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
If you want to understand more about how cheaters think, you will find it in my e-book entitled “Why He Cheats”
5 Responses
This is an active effort to debase and enslave humanity to think of sex as a ‘need’ …it is a felt desire of great strength and indeed is why the Lord told men HOW to govern themselves…starting with the HEART which if turned to care about what GOD cares about …which actually is THEM …They would recognize the counsel of GOD as protective.
The various ways that sex and sexual deviancy has intruded into our culture has been tracked in terms of singular sexual sins…
The entrance of the ideas that become tolerated, then normalized, then accepted, then demanded as moral options …is nothing new’.
When a person denies GOD his rightful place as the Creator …then it is only a matter of time for deceptive ideas and simulations to take root and direct him into sin,
Sin is rooted ….in the heart…OUT of the heart come the issues of life…the decisions are influenced by the heart …through the flesh ..feelings ,appetites..
Sex is an appetite but unlike the one we have for food and water …needs like air and sleep …it is to be governed and protected and kept ‘holy’ or singularly held apart from others than the spouse in marriage .
This is a lost bit of information to many …I know I did not understand this and was not taught it …I have learned this later in life….maybe too late …in some respects but when I married even I knew that in order for our marriage to be what it could be …it had to be one man one woman for life without interference and without compromise ….in terms of any others.
My husband would not listen when he was informed how his spreading his ‘appreciation’ time and attention on all kinds of other things and people …especially females was damaging this ‘process’ called marriage,..
Zaza,
You have some interesting and valid points here. I am a little puzzled by the term ‘process’ called marriage. What does that mean?
Thank you for mentioning that ….As I understand it …Marriage IS a covenant….which is different than a contract as I believe you have touched on already.
Marriage has no clause or condition upon which we are allowed to just “drop out “whenever we want to …though it has been thought to be ….but even if there are circumstances other than death …which is what the duration of our covenant is set by God , we ‘ENTER INTO” it …
We agree to set ‘rules’ of conduct and conditions …indicated by VOWS.
Then we have begun to be IN a set jurisdiction that GOD has provided instructions for those interested in finding out …the kinds of BOUNDARIES we are to honor.
The vows that are most common are ‘for better or worse, in sickness and health, richer or poorer…” and of course ‘keeping oneself only to thy spouse’
Some say these vows cannot be found in the Bible….I think they were brought about by ACKNOWLEDGING what GOD has had to say about marriage.
Jesus came and RECONFIRMED the lifespan of being faithful to ONE spouse….and not one spouse ‘at a time’ as our day and time seems to have decided was meant there .
Polygamy was not the god designed form for marriage as marriage was to be the image of God’s sacrificial rescue and reconnection with mankind ….to bring back together what had been broken apart by Adam’s disobedience.
Perhaps the idea of marriage as a ‘process’ conveys that we create marriage…..This is not what I meant in terms of it being OUR making marriage…as if man did…It was not a cultural outcome of man’s vain imagination…thereby as some try to say that it is simply now an ‘old fashioned ‘ idea that we no longer need in order to get along , have the need for sexual urges to be enjoyed or children to be brought into the world
The circumnavigation around the intentional way marriage when honored requires sacrifice and effort to learn about it …learn about the spouse….learn about the way parenting works all from the Creator of marriage is left behind and only a shell of supperficial appearances and feelings which fluctuate are left which bring about no satisfaction or deeper knowledge and experience of love.
Even lengthy ‘commitments’ of cohabitation reveal the underbelly of self as god and the indication of acknowledging that people are not trustworthy so way enter into something one already has seen as useless to cause trustworthiness…This perspective I think is a result of generations being raised to view marriage as only a ‘piece of paper’ and of no worth as parents after parents demonstrate they are not ‘able’ to live in it….
Also the SELF is at all costs being protected from the ‘known ‘ uncertainty of the way feelings seem to come and go …so even the self is not to be trusted as people seem to build in a back door escape route before they even ‘get’ married. I think this has been indicated by a refusal to give transparency.
In my husband’s case the more transparent I was with him the more withdrawn he became…as if he was saying ‘I’m not falling for THAT…..the more I let you know about me the more ‘dirt’ you will ‘have on me”!
I now see that in a person that functions this way …THEY are the ones that function …collecting data on the other person to use for their own desires and plans’
So I meant to indicate that Marriage HAS a process…maybe that is a better way to put it …the JOINING of the two and functioning as ONE …is created by GOD to be LIVED IN ….in a way that is learned step by step …day by day …Just as one learns to walk IN the salvation that GOD provided for us in his Son’s life , sacrifice , death and resurrection having assigned HIS overcoming life to US
We are given much to investigate about HOW to live by this life GOD has provided …and in taking on another jurisdiction …as a man does when he married one of God’s children …the TWO children following Christ together are to WALK together…learning , growing ….sharing …and NOT hiding from each other.
Those who are hiding from GOD …who is all knowing and knows the heart of each person and sees all of their inner and outer workings of them….do not realize the forgiveness available …or do and presume upon the grace of GOD ….aka …God forgives me or will so I CAN do whatever I feel like…”He knows I CANNOT do what His commandments are’ …this understanding exists among some believers….
God gave us commands for His glory and OUR good…they are protective and provide us with HOW to live to avoid harm to ourselves and others;
As in the Garden in the beginning …Eve was persuaded that GOD was somehow ‘holding out’ on her…..as the serpent declared .” You shall not surely die …FOR GOD KNOWS that in the day ye eat thereof YE SHALL BE AS GODS …knowing good and evil”
Man already was ‘as gods’ ..HE was made in the IMAGE of GOD ….He was given FREEDOM TO CHOOSE…is that not great power to CHOOSE ….to make up his future by the choices he makes?
In deceit ..Eve was led to believe God was WITHHOLDING something GOOD from them ….SHE thus took the advice of the serpent and DECIDED to CHOOSE disobedience…
She was not held accountable for this choice in the same way Adam was …because she was not PRESENT when Adam was given direct orders by GOD face to face …NOT to eat of that tree….
This one command came after the one about “subdue the earth …..’ That would include his having taken dominion OVER all the earth….That would have meant he should have RID the garden of the serpent …or at least have stepped in when he was ‘with her’ and stopped the conversation between Eve and the serpent.
One of the things you have covered some time back ..was man’s passiveness when he should be active and his acts of dominance when he should be loving
This ‘allowing ‘ the serpent in the garden …was a passive behavior of Adam in the face of the command to take dominion over all the earth.
An example of man taking dominion where he is not given jurisdiction to take dominion is OVER OTHER PEOPLE
This action outside the ORDER of GOD brings CHAOS.
I know you have heard the phrase ‘order out of chaos’ so popular with the social engineers of our day and time..
OH HOW I WISH THAT WERE TRUE on those days when I do not want to get the dishes done or my closet organized and want to leave the house to go shopping and come home to having it all have gone BACK to ORDER!!
The disorganization of man’s jurisdiction has come about by man getting most of what GOD has said upside down and backwards due to the RECEIVING of the jurisdiction ORIGINALLY GIVEN TO MAN …the devil proclaimed this as he tempted Jesus …offering him the kingdoms of the world and the glory …reminding Jesus they were ‘delivered unto me’
The Devil was not corrected by Jesus because it was true …Adam ‘surrendered” all of the domain given him to steward when he DELIBERATELY took of the fruit….and ate …
Jesus bought all of us back ..but man STILL has freedom of will to the extent that he uses it to obey GOD’S word he is free…from sin .To follow Jesus Christ in learning and then doing what God has told us through the knowledge of his god breathed revealed word we are thus walking and living in the WAY that has been provided OUT of the clutches of the god of this world
His victory is OURS but we must WALK in it to live and experience it ..
Many snares and deceptions have been set up to catch us in areas where we are as yet unlearned or ignorant of those DEVICES
Life is interesting and exciting in this ‘process’ of learning and applying rightly those things GOD instructs us with from HIS word..
His word is our ARMOUR but our commander in chief has instructed us to PUT IT ON>….he has also along with that instructed us what to PUT OFF.
As any other enterprise ..a person needs preparation to do the best job of fulfilling that position and as he gains knowledge and skill in that work …he grows into more and more excellence in performing those things that that jurisdiction requires of him
Being born dead and ingnorant of this truth …in ‘darkness’ and having no knowledge of this being the case …..we are in need of HIS instruction…not all people have parents who obey this because they have not known it either …it is a condition more usual than not ..especially as the church that is visible has led many to believe something other than what GOD has said.
The WHOLE counsel of GOD has been splintered and segmented into doctrines of men which have followed fleshly desires to feel better about ourselves ..which is not useful to acknowledge our state of being in sin and THAT condtition being in the heart of man …deceived ..and wicked…as GOD has revealed about our natural state of mind.
Man believes just as Adam and Eve did ..that HE could “very well determine right and wrong ..good and evil by himself thank you … God I will ‘take it from here” was the attitude that continues to war against the lordship of Jesus Christ who has earned the right to tell us what is what .
Man convinced that he KNOWS by his own way of determining things does not ..and thus his deception goes unknown to himself …
When GOd’s word is welcomed because of becoming aware of our lack in this area…or as Matt 5 put it …’blessed are the POOR IN SPIRIT ..” it is those who realize this poverty of having the spirit of GOD that are going to RECEIVE the engrafted word that is ABLE to save the soul….and they will be humbled realizing they are in NEED….or as Matthew put it “POOR” …poverty of spirit and GOD continues when we think we KNOW and we think that our position is right when it has been what others have told us and we like it .
The word CUTS through all of our defenses…and when we realize how much we NEED to be shown our true condition …we then HUNGER and THIRST after righteousness…which 2 Tim 3 :16 speaks of …the WORD being the very source of this foundation for learning about and walking in what GOD has ‘breathed’ or as Jesus put it…’Man does not live by bread alone BUT by EVERY WORD that has come from the MOUTH of GOD ‘ …or ‘god breathed ‘ as this section of Timothy puts is..it is the very “INSTRUCTION IN RIGHTEOUSNESS ” that all men and women need to walk …learning to be able to ‘judge righteous judgment ‘ from GOD working IN them …
This exhortation not to ‘judge by appearance’ being ignored and replaced with the PC attitude that selectively has lifted words from out of context and out of understanding ‘judge not ‘ has led to more and more destroyed lives…as people have cast off the TRUE way and have come to believe there are ‘many ways ‘ to GOD
God has told us to beware ..and even forbidden believing in many gods.
The broad and comfortable ‘ways’ of false teaching have increased as itching ears are more and more being told what they want to hear to avoid having to think about ‘accountability’
Marriage is a domain that requires us to disicpline or train ouselves to apply the things GOD tells us to do ..just as our walk after and in Christ requires us to discipline or train ourselves and examine ourselves to learn if we are IN or are doing what Christ has told us will protect and provide us with all that HE intended marriage as a lifelong covenant to be and do in us and in our relationship with Him and our spouse and thus our children.
It provides not only protection of the love of our spouse and family BUT when we obey what GOD tells us all other people are protected from poaching their bodies and lives …which do not belong in our jurisdiction.
We have a responsibility to FOLLOW after what GOD has told us will provide all HE has for us to experience and learn and to see the outcome ..fruit of it .
Marriage when seen as a domain where we are to continue the ‘process’ of the WALK daily in doing what GOD has told us …and in marriage to do what HE has told us that is distinctly what marriage fulfillment and contentment and equipping requires to bring forth all the goodness of living life and having a companion to go through all of what life brings across our path …then we cannot blame anyone but ourselves for the losses or lack that we suffer due to disobedience
ALL of us are commanded to seek GOD first and all things will be added unto us …the ‘all things’ has long been taught to itching ears or to those who refuse to hear the truth that the terms abundance’ and ‘all things’ or “God will give you the DESIRES of your heart ‘ as what the natural fallen mind wants already
I have come to learn that the ‘all things’ …and the ‘desires’ are what GOD will GIVE us to replace our lust for things or anything that is harmful and has been our previous focus when we did not know what HE was talking about and only had our own carnal perspective …which is “of ‘ the world
There are so many precious things for us to apply to our lives…many who go after the Lord end up with men who have misapplied the idea of ‘Take dominion over all the earth ‘ to mean ‘take dominion over other people ‘ and for their own glory have taught the ‘bible of their own making ‘ slicing , dicing and adding to what GOD has provided…
Just as adding poison to the family soup pot …man’s fleshly additions for his own comfort and lust has poisoned the bread that came down from heaven…it has proven to weaken the body ,…captured sheep and killed off many a marriage and life that once intended and wanted the truth
Failing to eat our own ‘bread’ …that bread being God’s word …to digest what HE would feed us from our time learning from HIM …as well as being encouraged by those who are following Him in spirit and in truth …many have taken the broad way that leads to destruction.
I trust that I do not know so I may be instructed …having seen how often deceptions can be applied where vulnerabilities have been a gaping hole in my armour .
Apart from GOD man can do NOTHING …so it is that our ‘process’ both IN and out if single is to grow in knowledge and understanding by way of seeking …finding ..applying what GOD will teach us from our time with Him in His word.
Jesus thus becomes LORD indeed as we ‘continue in His words’ as he said ..”THEN you will be MY disciples INDEED” being discipled …trained …corrected by the Lord as we are open to Him”
A marriage covenant of TWO willing to be this …is going to flourish both personally and one flesh wise.
When I see many marriage help sites refer to many ‘mechanisms’ to “GET the spouse ‘ or rather to ‘get A spouse’ I feel this falls somewhat SHORT….it seems like manipulation of someone for one’s own gain of using that person …and I suspect it FEELS that way too .
The way God’s word works IN a person is what is going to last ..HIs foundation for LIFE is also that which brings about good fruit in the marriage.
When two will not walk together in agreement upon TRUTH …no amount of agreement is going to be a solid foundation for life or marriage …
There is ONE foundation that is not going to result in ‘sand’….that is God’s word…the ‘foundation of the apostles and prophets with Jesus Christ as the chef cornerstone”
We once lived in a gate guarded community in So Cal …they were plentiful so it was not unusual …I used to think this does not keep anyone out who wants to get in …AND it sort of puts a highlight upon where there is ‘stuff’ thieves might want ! It was like a bullseye….I trusted in Christ and no harm came even in the event of a HUGE fire that swept the area…but then that is another story.
In that community there was a house that had not had good ‘grading ‘ done before the house was built…day by day we all watched as the huge two story mansion was drooping …its walls eerily skewed, as the foundation slowly pulled the whole house down the hill….
The foundation may have been built rightly but the ground beneath it had not been prepared well .
NO one could live in that house…the owner was in court for years before the contractor would take responsibliliy forced by the court to repay and pay for damages …repurchasing the house from the owner….meanwhile the owner had to find another place to live …it was a mess…and a very sorrowful example of what happens when the ground upon which a foundation is laid is faulty …and actually the ground upon which we are to build our lives is CHRIST and the foundation that we build upon that has to be solid and sure ..according to HIS specifications.
God is ALWAYS good even if it may not seem too pleasant at the time we find out our own weak foundation …even those we may have been very sure and proud of ..
It is HIS will that we follow HIS specs…and end up with a solid and sure life that has been built upon the truth …from having the spirit of GOD within …
God has said that he would have us worship or live life …in spirit and truth
And we need ‘truth in the INWARD PARTS” so that we have no need to wobble in the face of some unknown aspect of life…we CAN know from HIS wisdom what life …marriage ….any aspect is and how to live in it without harming our own life or that of others…it will be from a FIRM and SOLID foundation of HIS word that we can know and live accordingly …and when we blow it ..as we go along making effort to learn and do …HE will always forgive as we go back to Him and ask for forgiveness..
All sin may be forgiven but the sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit…rejecting that which GOD has set before us ..HIS WORD …leaves us without His spirit…thus ..we are vessels empty of substance that IS HIS LIFE
Marriage as ‘process’ ….being married we have a jurisdiction and instructions for the HOW of marriage …marriage is a jurisdiction that is to be fenced by wisdom and an understanding that it is not just a ‘thing’ to ‘purchase’ with words …and then an expectation that one can just lean back , ride along and go along behaving like it is FOR us only to enjoy and not put effort into …
It is a covenant that GOD has provided for whomsoever will enter in….Just like salvation…but one must enter in …and enter in according to HIS directives….to have it bring forth the fruit of what marriage was intended to do .
Apart from this …what we see or experience from fleshly expectations and behaviors is far below that it was intended to be…and thus many are rejecting it since there are fewer and fewer examples to encourage others to enter into it.
Does that give a better picture of this idea of ‘process’ as I meant it to be???
Zaza,
Your response clarifies “marriage as a process.” You chose an interesting phrase to express the idea. Thank you for addressing it.
Enjoying your posts Jeff…Thank you