After finding out about an affair, there are plenty of things that you could kick yourself for. There are all those signs of trouble that you saw but ignored or dismissed as something else. I am sure that you have seen plenty of those pages on the internet regarding the signs of an affair. Since you are here, you are looking for something deeper.
One area seldom addressed on those web pages concerns the issue of commitment. In order to make a marriage work, you need Commitment. This commitment involves commitment to your spouse and the marriage. There are often early warning signs that your spouse is not 100% fully committed to your marriage. When there are indications that their commitment is conditional or half-hearted, you have problems.
Some of the signs of non-commitment include:
1. Either refusing to wear a wedding ring or frequently taking it off.
2. Refusing to have a joint banking account with you.
3. Refusing to let you know their passwords to email accounts.
4. Refusing to allow you unlimited access to their cell phone.
5. Wives refusing to take on the name of their spouse or using hyphenated last names that cling to their maiden name.
6. Insisting on the two of you sleeping in separate beds.
7. Insisting on maintaining their ‘private stuff’ and not allowing you access
8. Having bills and mail sent to the office in order to keep you from seeing them.
9. Use of pre-nuptials or pre-marriage contracts.
10. Not changing their marriage status on social network sites.
Items like those above are signs that you or your spouse are not 100% committed to the marriage. There may be reasons for that lack of commitment. You need to explore those reasons for ‘separation’. A lack of commitment often opens the door to separations. The lack of commitment on paper, bank accounts, wills, etc. are often early signs of potential trouble.
If you are now dealing with an affair, you may want to start patching up these areas. Reversing these items is a way to show that you and your spouse are committed. It is easier to talk about commitment than it is to actually commit. The difference between you being married and you being their ‘main squeeze of the day’ is commitment.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
Yes….Deception always starts out sounding ‘reasonable’
My husband told me he “could not ‘ wear his wedding band because he might lose a finger at his work….he was an athelete
Funny how many atheletes manage to wear their rings…and many who work with their hands in dangerous occupations …
He also said he did not like the design …I had had it made for him
It seems that he really just did not want to portray himself as a married man ….even from the beginning ..makes you wonder WHY did he marry …and sometimes I think that if a man does not have a WIFE then he has no one to BLAME whenever he needs a ‘scapegoat’
Marriage ‘protected’ him from having to make any deeper commitments to the women he was interested in playing with .
Still …it did not keep him from a very lengthy USE of a woman who was willing to play the ‘glamorous role’ of ‘mistress’ …which definitely was part of HER fantasy …I read an email where she likened herself to a famous mistress of a journalist! She had acknowledged she never thought of marriage with my husband but went on to describe this historical adulterous couple …! What a ‘goal ‘ in life!
This IS TRULY INSANITY!
2Pe 2:16 But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man’s voice forbad the madness of the prophet.
Here we see GOD comparing ‘iniquity ‘ which was as He was speaking of Balaam’s DISOBEDIENCE…to ‘madness’ …which as we think about it …disobeying GOD IS ridiculously insane!
Ecc 7:13 Consider the work of God: for who can make [that] straight, which he hath made crooked?
Ecc 3:14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth [it], that [men] should fear before him
So as I look back over our 32 years of marriage I am learning where the steps OUT of the marriage were that my husband took …IT all began with his running from GOD ….and then he opened himself up to all kinds of ‘suggestions’ from the devil. DUH!
He underestimated the Devil
Here is what Jesus knew and did not reprove since it was truth…The Devil is the ‘god’ of THIS world.
Luk 4:5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.
Luk 4:6 And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: FOR THAT IT IS DELIVERED UNTO ME; and to whomsoever I will I give it.
Luk 4:7 If thou therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine.
“WORSHIP” is defined by OBEDIENCE.
Rom 6:16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?
So what did Jesus answer the devil?
Luk 4:8 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.
“serve’ = “worship”= obedience = LORDSHIP
So if the Devil can get a person to ‘obey’ his urgings…then ….this is HOW he gains entrance into a person’s thinking..