Making sense out of affairs is challenging at best. To start off, there is no one truth other than the affair happened. There are the truths or realities of the resolute spouse, the infidel and the paramour. From each perspective things look very different. The more one is able to see (seeing does not mean agreeing) the other perspectives, the more you are able to see the whole picture. The challenging part is getting past one’s own pain to be able to see the same situation from other perspectives.
Trying to see it from other perspectives is best attempted after one has worked through the initial crisis. Seeing from other perspectives is part of the re-building that occurs after the crisis. It is when you can see it from the other perspectives that you begin to understand how important the needs of the various people feed into the mess. Looking at the situation in terms of the needs will allow you to see possible solutions and ways to respond to the needs.
In the early days of discovering the affair, there is a great deal of confusion. Some of this is due to the lies and some is due to the conflicting versions of ‘truth’. When you realize that there is no “one” truth you will be on your way to healing. Developing mental flexibility is a skill that develops over time.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
